Starting Over
by Obsessed-with-Vampires
Summary: Bella's mother isn't seen as a fit mother and she doesn't know who her father is and is sent to live with the Cullen's. So what does she uncover while living in Forks? Will she learn to let go of her past and embrace life? ALL HUMAN
1. Introductions

_**Starting Over**_

_Summary: Bella's mother isn't seen as a fit mother and she doesn't know who her father is and is sent to live with the Cullen's. So what does she uncover while living in Forks? Will she learn to let go of her past and embrace life? ALL HUMAN and some course language._

**_A/N: This is the first chapter of my new story, so let me know what you think and if you think I should continue... if so I'll write up more chapters and post them once I'm done. Thanks heaps... hopefully it won't be too long between updates since its the holidays and I'm not getting many hours at work... _**

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Chapter one: Introductions

Hi, my name is Isabella (Bella) Johnson **(A/N: I just made that last name up since Charlie left and I don't know Renee's maiden name…)**, and if you looked at me now you'd think I was just another ordinary sixteen year old girl but what you wouldn't know is that yesterday my life changed forever.

Yesterday, my mother was diagnosed with clinical depression.

Yesterday, she was hospitalized and deemed unfit to be a mother.

Yesterday, it was decided that I would be moving in with some old family friends I haven't seen since I was about 6; the Cullen's.

Everything changed yesterday. I can't live with my dad because I have no idea what his name is let alone where he lives. See the stupid ass-whole left my mother, Renee, when she found out she was pregnant – he wasn't ready for the responsibility or some shit. I don't know and even though I've been teased about not having a father at school here in Phoenix, I wouldn't have it any other way. And sure Renee hasn't been as happy as she used to be, but clinical depression… I wasn't expecting it to be that bad. She had her bad nights when she'd take a bottle of wine or rum into her room and cry until I came to check on her, then I'd lay next to her and hold her until she fell asleep… but she was always _fine_ the next morning – we were fine. And now social services were splitting our family up even more than it already was. My Gran died just a few years ago and I guess that's kinda when it all started but it only just started to get worse recently… and I don't know why. I hate not knowing… So here today, I am putting all of that into an imaginary vault in my mind and locking it away so I can forget about anything that has happened up until this point in time. I sighed and closed my eyes, taking a few deep breaths before I started packing for my new life in Forks, Washington. Yeepee! Can't you tell I'm jumping for joy?

I walked over to my dresser and picked up the photo from when I was six, sitting on the Cullen's front steps with their two son's Emmet (the oldest), Edward (the youngest son), and daughter, Alice (Edward's twin). We were all laughing at something, and I'll be damned if I could remember what was so funny, I was blushing profoundly though, so I'm guessing I was embarrassed. It was my favourite photo though. Alice and her pixie nature, Edward and his uncanny ability to be able to tell almost exactly what anyone was thinking, expect for me (which annoyed him quite a bit) and Emmet – he was like the older brother I never had, kind of like my giant teddy bear. But like I said before I haven't seen or spoken to them in years. Esme and Carlisle (their parents) moved to Forks and Alice's email address would just send back any emails I tried to send her, I didn't have their new phone number so I couldn't call them and they never called me. I tried for 6 months to contact them, but eventually I gave up. Now I had to face them, and live with them until I was eighteen – only two years… Should be easy… right?

I opened my first draw and emptied the contents into my bag, although I'd probably have to go shopping, the weather in Forks was nothing like that in Phoenix so I'd have to get almost a whole new wardrobe. I wasn't paying much attention to what I was packing just putting some clothes, books, music, photos and other belongings into my suitcase. I packed up my laptop and put it in the suitcase, and zipped it up. I chucked my iPod, wallet, mobile and gum into my handbag. I sat down on my bed and looked around at my empty room, the dull cream walls, the light bulb which had blown and I couldn't be bothered to replace it because that meant using a ladder to reach our high ceilings, the empty draws which I'd left opened, the uncluttered desk and the clean floor. I sighed again just as I heard a horn beep from outside. I got up and looked outside my window to see a bright yellow cab and its driver honking the horn impatiently. I pulled my suitcase down the stairs and locked the front door. The driver opened the boot for me to put my suitcase in and then I got in the back seat and he drove off. And I just listened to my music as he drove (like a crazy man) to the airport, without looking back because I feared that if I looked back I'd breakdown and cry and realize what a mess everything had become.

The airport was busy, even though it was mid semester, there were people in suits scurrying all over the place, little kids who'd only be about five running around calling out for their mummy and daddy, worried parents searching for their lost child and security staff trying to look at every single person and make sure they held no threat.

"_Passengers flying from Phoenix to Seattle please move to gate five to board your plain."_

Well that's me, so I moved with the crowd and showed the flight attendants my ticket before being allowed onto the plain. I took my seat next to the window and pulled the shutter down. The flight attendants did that whole act about the exits and how to use the safety vests and whatever else they talked about. I did up my seatbelt and closed my eyes, waited for the announcement that we had landed to come over the PA system.

Eventually the plain started to descend and had a rather bumpy but safe landing. I sighed, again, and reached for my bag and walked down the aisle to finally get off this plain. As soon as I entered the airport I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before heading towards the luggage pick up.

"Bella!" I turned around when I heard someone calling my name, only to see a woman about mum's age running towards me. She had long flowing caramel coloured hair, pale skin and was carrying a black leather coat. Esme…

"Hey Esme… Sorry I didn't see you…" I said quietly.

"Oh it's fine dear, I was hoping to surprise you, we were going to send someone to pick you up but I thought it would be better if I did it. The kids will be home when we get there, they are at school right now but will leave early, and Alice is really looking forward to seeing you. Oh and you'll just love Rosalie and Jasper Hale, they are Emmet's girlfriend and Alice's boyfriend." She told me quickly as we walked to the luggage pick up area.

Once I had my suitcase we walked through the metal detectors and left the airport. Esme walked over to a very expensive looking black Mercedes and opened the boot for me. With that done I climbed into the passenger seat before the rain got any harder and I was soaked. She sped off out of the parking lot and drove like a maniac. I put my earphone in and listened to my music as I watched the rain hit the widow. I could see Esme glace at me worriedly out of the corner of my eye but I didn't pay any attention to it.

She pulled into a driveway that was hidden with trees and if she hadn't just pulled in her I would never have known it was here. Their driveway was long, and had lots of twists and turns before we reached the end. At the top of the driveway was a three story mansion. There were some walls which had been replaced with glass and a balcony's on the second and third floor… my only guess was that they led back into bedrooms. This house was even more brilliant than their one back at Phoenix… _Shut up Bella! You're not meant to think about that! Remember??_

I shook my head as Esme parked the car in the garage. I opened my door and took out my earphones. As I walked to the boot I saw a massive Jeep, a shiny silver Volvo and a bright yellow Porsche. I followed Esme as she walked back to the front door and stepped inside. As I took in my surroundings which looked even more spectacular than the outside.

"You have a beautiful house Esme."

"I'm glad you think so Bella. We've missed you."

Rather than replying I thought it would be best if I just nodded. I turned around to look at the stairs which led to the second and third floor just as Alice came running down and crash tackled me to the floor.

"OMGihavemissedyousososomuch!" She said all at once and I had trouble figuring out what she said.

"Alice calm down, I can't understand you. And could you please let me up?" I asked her kindly.

She giggled and stood up. And I followed suit. Alice took a big breath before she spoke again.

"OMG, I have missed you so, so, so much! Was that better?" she said excitedly, but at least this time I could understand her.

"Much… umm… Where can I put my stuff exactly?"

"Oh yes of course; Alice do you want to give Bella the grand tour while I take her suitcase up?" Esme said.

Alice nodded and grabbed my hand before pulling me forward. "This is our lounge room," she said before pulling me to move faster again. "This is the kitchen," and it was a massive kitchen, I've only seen kitchen's like this in restaurants. I felt my arm being tugged again so I started to move. "This is the back veranda… obviously." she said before pulling me back inside and up the stairs. It's a miracle I haven't fallen over yet. When we reached the second floor, I tripped slightly on the rug but Alice kept pulling me forward until we reached the first door.

"This is Carlisle's study…" again I was being pulled without having time to take in what I was looking at. Alice stopped again once we reached the next door on the other side of the hallway. "This is Edwards music room… umm not many people go in there other than Edward…" she said frowning but soon continued with the pulling and dragging. "And this, this is my room." She said as she opened the door and I was met with a flash of pink. I never knew someone could have so much pink and still be considered sane… I hate pink, so before Alice could ask me what I thought and/or pull me again I turned around and started heading back down the hallway, Alice was following behind me. "This is Edward's room…" she said pointing to the door. "And this is your room." she said as she opened the door. The walls were a beautiful light blue, the curtains were a dark midnight blue, a book shelf was filled with numerous books, there was a king size four-poster-bed in the centre of the room with a purple quilt set (./four_poster_) and a bedside table next to it with an iPod docking system on it. And on the opposite wall was a desk with a lamp and shelves… My suitcase was already up here and was sitting at the end of my bed.

"Carlisle and Esme's room is on the next floor, and so are the spare rooms. There is a bathroom connected to your room… Oh and I already filled your wardrobe with new clothes since I figured you would need some new ones and from memory you don't like shopping… so yeah… umm that everything I think. So what do you think of your room?" Alice asked.

"It's great…"

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Oh you want to know what's wrong; do you _Ali?_ Well let's see; my mum has clinical depression and was taken away from me, you moved away from me and didn't give me your new address or phone number, you didn't reply to any of my emails – they just got sent back! And now you're acting as though you still know me! So yeah Alice a lot has changed… and there is a lot that is wrong…" I yelled at her. Her eyes were wide as she looked at me. I felt a few tears slide down my cheeks but didn't bother wiping them away because I saw tears sliding down Alice's cheeks as well.

"We tried Bella! I swear we did. But everything got lost in the move. I couldn't find your email address or your phone number and mum and dad couldn't find their phone book either. And I couldn't remember my password so I had to make a new account."

"Your password was BFFBellashopping. How could you forget that?"

"I was six Bella! Jesus give me a break! Not everything is my fault you know! Maybe if you were better to your mum she wouldn't have depression! Did you ever think that it's your fault she got hospitalized?"

"You don't know what you're talking about!" I yelled. "Just leave." I said holding back the sobs that were threatening to break free. She backed out the door and I slammed it shut. I turned around and leaned on the door, taking deep breaths – trying to calm down, and failing miserably. I slid down the door and pulled my knees up to my chest, letting the sobs rack through my body. And I cried.

I cried for the friend I've lost.

I cried because what she said was true. Maybe it was my fault.

I cried because of the hurt she caused me…

I cried because everything hurt. And now I had no one.

I have no idea how long I was crying for, but eventually I ran out of tears to cry. I stood up and moved over to my bed and I crawled under the covers. I grabbed one of the pillows and I held it over my face as I screamed. I let everything out. Everything I've been holding back. And somehow I still had tears to cry, as new tears streamed down my face. I turned over onto my side and held the pillow close to me. I could hear yelling coming from downstairs but I couldn't tell what they were saying. But then there was a knock on my door.

"Go… Go away." I chocked out hopefully loud enough for whoever was on the other side of the door to hear.

"Bells, its Emmet… Can I come in please?"

"No! And don't call me that!"

"Please Bella. Alice didn't mean what she said. No one blames you for anything. Esme is giving her quite the talking to because of what she said. Bella, please just let me in. You know I could break down the door right?"

"Yeah but then you'd be in deep shit with Esme too… so the only ones who she wouldn't me mad at would be Edward and Carlisle."

"You're avoiding the topic Bella!"

"Why are you here Emmet?" I called out.

"Because, Belly-bean… you're like my little sister, I don't like to see or hear you hurting."

"Fine Em… doors open…" I said reluctantly and sighed and I saw his large form enter my now dark room. When did it get dark?

Emmet hadn't really changed much apart from getting taller and having more muscles… he still had his dimples though. He came over to my bed and laid down next to me and pulled me closer to him so my head was resting on his chest. He started to rub my back soothingly.

"Everything hurts Em, everyone has left…"

"No one's left you Bells… Renee still loves you. Carlisle and Esme still love you. And me, Ali and Eddie still love you too. We did try and contact you Bells, but we lost so much in the move…"

"Since when have you called Edward, Eddie? And I know it just hurt that I lost my best friend is all…"

"I only call him that cause it annoys the hell outta him… Now what do you think about coming down and having a bit to eat? Everyone is waiting for you Bells."

"Fine…" I said and sat up wiping my face with my shirt.

Emmet smiled as he led me down the stairs.

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**_A/N: Ok so that was the first chapter, I hope you all liked it... So please review and let me know what you think. Your feedback is always appreciated xoxo_**


	2. 2 Still Best Friends?

Chapter two: Still Best Friends?

_DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING TWILIGHT_

As I entered the dining room – which Alice had failed to point out – everyone's heads turned to look at me. I blushed and looked down at the floor and Emmet led me over to the table. With a blush creeping up onto my cheeks and making them a brilliant shade of red I sat down at the table and Esme handed me a plate with some roast chicken, gravy and vegetables. I picked up my fork and started moving the food around on the plate. I could still feel everyone watching me as their stares burned into me.

"Are you all just gonna look at me or are you gonna eat?" I asked, my voice coming out slightly more hasher than what I had meant it do. I heard them shuffling around as they all grabbed their knives and forks and started eating. I finished the food that was on my plate an excused myself, taking my empty plate with me to the kitchen. I put the plate in the sink and leaned against the bench as I sighed. All I could think about was the looks everyone gave me… the pity, and sympathy. I didn't want any of it. I just wanted things to be normal again.

"Bella?" I jumped when I heard Alice's voice which was closer than I had been expecting. I turned around and saw her standing there pulling on the sleeve of her shirt. She was nervous. Why was she nervous to talk to me?

"Look Bella, I'm sorry about what I said before. I didn't mean it. No one blames you. When we found out you would be living with us we were so thrilled. Carlisle was worried about me though… apparently my jumping up and down and clapping didn't seem normal to him…" She told me truthfully. And I had to laugh at the last part because I mean who wouldn't find that funny?

"It's ok Alice. We both said things we didn't mean,"

"Still best friends?" She asked warily, holding out her arms inviting me into a hug.

"Still best friends," I told her, and I accepted her hug only to hear people clapping happily behind us. I looked up from Alice's shoulder and saw Emmet with a huge, and I mean huge, grin on his face, Edward looked happy, and Esme and Carlisle looked proud.

Everyone left us to it and went to watch whatever was on TV. Alice was still practically jumping up and down with excitement as she pulled me up the stairs to her room. Straight away I was blinded my all the pink. She really had to get some other colours in her here.

"Hey Ali, you do realize there are other colours apart from pink right?"

"Well yeah, I mean I helped with your room… and shopped for you. Although maybe I should take you shopping so we can buy some more… Anyways getting off track… Pink is the best colour so why not have a lot of it?"

"No shopping Ali, I like having my feet attached. And maybe you could have some balance. You know some darker, not so bright colours to even out all the pink?" I suggested.

"Well maybe… Anyways it time for Bella Barbie!!!" She said and pulled me into her bathroom and sat me on a chair before staring into the mirror with a thoughtful look on her face. It was kinda cute as she pouted trying to think of what she could do. I chuckled, which only earned me a slap on the head.

"That wasn't nice Ali,"

"Well then don't laugh at me. I'm going to make you look even more beautiful. Although no makeup tonight, since you'd just have to take it off again…" she stood there and thought for a few more minutes tapping her foot on the floor impatiently. "Ah-hah! I have it! ESME!"

I could hear Esme walk up the stairs and into Alice's room. "Yes Alice?"

"Could you help me with Bella's hair?" Alice asked, giving her mother the puppy dog eyes.

"You know that look doesn't work on me Alice. But yes I will help. What did you have in mind?"

I knew that before Esme had become an interior designer she had been a hairdresser, so I trusted her with a pair of scissors more than what I would if Alice had them.

I zoned out as Alice explained what she wanted done. Apparently though my hair was too 'flat' and needed some volume; or something I don't know…

About half an hour later Esme put the scissors down and sighed contently. "Ok, I'm done. Take a look Bella," She said as she spun the chair around so I could look in the mirror. My brown hair flowed down in perfect waves just past my shoulder blades, Esme had added in some layers to give it some sort of volume and had given me a side fringe. I had to admit it looked far better than it used to. "Thank you so much, it looks beautiful." I told her.

"It's you that looks beautiful my dear," she said warmly and smiled as she left me alone with Alice. Oh Great… Just what the doctor order… Being left alone with the hyper pixie, who was like a five year old at Christmas, or more accurately a five year old on crack. Although I think for Alice's sake we'll stick to the Christmas analogy. Alice smiled as she pulled me down the hallway and towards my room where I sat on my bed as she raided my wardrobe trying to find something for me to wear.

"Since it's almost time for bed I won't worry about dressing you up too much but I'll find you some nice pajamas. What do you say, Bella?" She said from inside the walk-in wardrobe.

"Do I have a choice?"

"Well… No not really," She said laughing as she came back out, holding a black tank top and some long flannel pajama pants – nice and simple. She handed me the clothes and a towel and shoved me into the bathroom closing the door behind me. I turned on the hot water as I got undressed and then I got into the shower. I let the hot water run over my body as I washed my hair with my favourite shampoo and conditioner. I loved showers because it felt like all your problems just floated down the drain with the water, like everything was as it should be; not this horrible mess.

"Bella, come on hurry up, you're using all the hot water!" Alice yelled from behind the door.

"Alright geez I'm getting out now." I said as I turned the taps off and got out and dried myself off before getting changed and brushing my teeth. I walked out to find Alice sitting on my bed Indian style. "Great I knew those would suit you," she said happily as I put my old clothes in the laundry basket in my room, and started to brush my hair, letting it dry naturally.

"Ali, they are just pajamas, you do realize that?"

"Well yeah, I'm not stupid Bella. But with me around you have to look great _all_ the time; even when you are just going to sleep."

I just laughed as I left the room and headed down stairs to see everyone watching TV. Alice left to go to her room to get changed while I sat in the empty spot next to Edward on the sofa. I wasn't really paying attention to what they were watching but I think it was transformers or something like that anyways. I pulled a cushion to my chest and pulled my knees to my chest hugging them and the cushion close to me. I hope Carlisle and Esme didn't mind feet on their furniture. But since they hadn't said anything I'll take it that they don't mind providing it was bare feet and not shoes. I sighed as I tilted my head backwards and stared up at ceiling thinking about the last time my mum took me out. She took me to a day spa and we both had one of the mud bath things, facials and a massage. It was a great day and I enjoyed spending it with my mum. She seemed so happy the smile never leaving her face. She'd laughed all day at me, when we went into the room that had all these different scents from herbs and whatnot and I sneezed about ten times in a row. So we skipped that room… It was so fun, and I miss it. I miss my mum. I miss Renee so much, she wasn't just my mother; she had become my best friend after the Cullen's left. I didn't really have many other friends so I was pretty much by myself when it came to school but when I got home mum always had something new she wanted to try, some recipe that hadn't quite worked out. No matter how bad my day was she always made it better.

"What's on your mind?" I a velvet voice ask me quietly so as not to disturb anyone. I turned to see that it was Edward who had noticed my staring off into space and was wondering what was on my mind. I smiled and him and stretched my neck – having it back for so long was no good.

"Just thinking about the last time mum took me out for a weekend. We went to a day spa; it was a great day…" I whispered back to him.

"Why don't you tell me about it?"

So I did I told everything that happened that day; replaying it in my head as I went along. Remembering the fight we had while having a mud bath or whatever it was. Edward laughed in all the right place and he seemed to be genuinely enjoying it.

"I miss Renee too. She was lovely – always had some crazy adventure up her sleeve. She loved you so much Bella," he told me sincerely. I sniffled as I struggled to hold back the tears.

"Umm, I think I'm gonna head off to bed. Night guys," I said loud enough for everyone to hear.

"But Belly-bean the movie hasn't even finished yet!" Emmet whined and pouted like a little girl; that made me laugh.

"It's ok Em," I said walking over to where he was sitting on the floor leaning on the couch Carlisle and Esme were sitting on and crouched down so I was at eye level with him. I knew everyone was watching me but I didn't care. "I'm just a bit tired from the flight ok Em? Besides I've seen this before. You wanna know what happens in the end?" I asked as he shook his head violently. I laughed and lent in closer "Well the girl finally says…" but I was cut off by Emmet's yelling.

"LA LA LA LA!!! I'M NOT LISTENING!!!!" He yelled while covering his ears, which only made me laugh harder.

"Good night Emmet, sleep well and enjoy the movie." I said as I left the room, a chorus of 'goodnights' followed me as I walked up the stairs. I walked down the hallway and when I reached my room I shut the door behind me. I walked over to me bed and crawled onto it, pulling the sheets up over my head. I was just laying there not thinking when I heard someone knock on the door. I didn't have the strength to reply so I just stayed quiet.

"Bella, it's Edward, can I come in?" he asked gently. I sighed since I didn't have the strength to speak at the moment – afraid that my voice would betray what I was really feeling right now – so I got up and walked over to the door and opened it. To reveal Edward standing there in just some checkered flannel pants, no shirt. I have to admit I stared for a little while but luckily he didn't notice for didn't care. "Are you ok Bella? I mean you seemed happy but something was just off… I don't know…" he said quietly and I could tell he was worried. Out of all the Cullen's Edward knew me the best. He truly was my best friend. I mean so was Alice but I was closer to Edward… ok I'm just gonna quit while I'm a head…

I smile at him slightly but it didn't feel like it reached my eyes. It was more of a reassuring smile than a happy one. I moved aside and let Edward come in before shutting the door again. "How did you know?"

"You think that after all these years I would be able to forget you? Bella you were, no still are my best friend. I've always been able to tell when something is wrong. You're allowed to be sad you know. Anyone else would be. Hell we all are, but it can't compare to what you're going through so I'm not going to act as though I understand but you don't have to be strong Bella." Edward said as he moved across the room to sit with me on my bed. And be for I knew it I had tears streaming down my face and sobs were racking through my body. Edward pulled me closer so my head was resting on his shoulder. He rubbed my back in a calming way as he let me cry. This was different that it was with Emmet. With Emmet I felt like I had to be strong. But with Edward, it was ok to break down every once and a while.

"I just… I can't believe she's gone. You know? I never thought… thought I would have to see her get taken away to the hospital by an ambulance after social services called… They took away my mum… They just took her… and I stood there and screamed at them to let her go. And she was yelling at them to let come back to me… It just hurt so much to have her taken away." I said through my sobs.

"It'll be ok,"

"How do you know that?"

"Because I know you, Bella, and you are one of the strongest people I have ever met, and probably will ever meet. Not to mention how stubborn you can be when you have your mind set on something. We're not going to try and replace your mum Bella, but we are family and we all love you Bells."

"How do you always know what to say?" I asked him as I sat up and wiped my face.

"It's a gift," he told me and I giggled quietly. His hand moved up to my cheek and he tenderly wiped away the tears I had missed. I gave him a quick smile to let him know that I was ok, for now, and in turn was giving the most dazzling smile in the world. He laid down on the bed and pulled me down with him. I leaned my head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Go to sleep Bella. You need it," he whispered softly and I can all ready feel the familiar darkness overtaking me slowly.

"Goodnight Edward, sweet dreams."

And then there was nothing… the world around me ceased to exists and was replaced by one that made sense and where everyone got their happily ever after. But you can't escape the bad guys forever…

[3]


	3. Reality Check

_**Starting Over**_

_Bella's mother isn't seen as a fit mother and she doesn't know who her father is and is sent to live with the Cullen's. So what does she uncover while living in Forks? Will she learn to let go of her past and embrace life? ALL HUMAN and some course language._

**_A/N: sorry if there is any spelling mistakes... I hope you like this chapter. Its kinda of a filler but still I hope you all enjoy it. Please Review :):)_**

Chapter three: Reality check

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING FROM THE TWILIGHT SAGA!

_Walking from one side of the kitchen to the other had quickly become habit as I became the cook of the house. I'd just made myself some lunch when someone knocked at the door. I washed my hands and went to the door. There was some lady I'd never met before standing there in a skirt, stocking, button down shirt and a jacket. How she was wearing all of that in the heat of Phoenix was beyond me. _

"_Hello, I'm Ms. Dailey, I'm from social services." She said in a slighting cocky tone. _

"_What can I do for you?" I asked her trying to be polite. _

"_Well I'm afraid that at your mother's last visit to the doctor's she was diagnosed with clinical depression. And while this normally wouldn't be cause for me to visit, however we were made aware that her condition has become progressively worse and I'm afraid that you want be able to live with her anymore." _

"_What are you trying to say?" I asked. All this information was swimming around in my head and I had no idea what was going to happen. I hated not knowing. But most of all I hated that… that this _lady_ wanted to take her away from me. _

"_What I'm saying is that I need to come inside so we can work out a place for you to stay and then your mother needs to come with me."_

"_How can you say that? How can you want to take my mother away from me! You are a heartless bitch!"_

"_Bella, who are you yelling at?" I heard my mum ask from the stairs. _

"_This _lady_ wants to take you away somewhere and send me to live with someone else." I said glaring at this, Ms. Dailey._

"_You can't take me away from my daughter!"_

"_Actually miss I can and I have to for your daughters health and well being," _

"_Do you like ripping people's families apart? Do you enjoy it or something???" I asked putting as much venom into it as possible. _

"_What I do and do not enjoy is none of your concern. What is your concern though is where Miss Isabella will be staying."_

"_With the Cullen's who live in Forks, Washington." mum said icily. _

"_But mum I don't want to go. I don't want you to go. We will be fine! Just please don't leave me?" I said just as a car pulled up and two big men in suits stepped out. Mum lent forward and gave me a hug._

"_It'll be ok sweetie… You'll see me soon –" mum started to whisper to me, but was cut off when she was pulled back by the men and they started to take her to the car. Soon I felt Ms. Dailey warp her arms around me as I started to try and run forwards back to mum. _

"_Let me GO! You Bitch! Let me go back to my mum!" _

"_I can't do that sweetie,"_

"_Don't call me fucking sweetie!! MUM, please come back!" _

"_Let me say goodbye to my daughter you bastards!" I heard my mum yelling while she was kicking them trying to get them to let her go. Eventually they got her in the car and I bit Ms. Dailey's arm (but not too hard) and she let me go and I ran after the car, tears streaming down my face. But once the car turned the corner at the end of the street there was no hope left. They had taken her away from me. _

"Bella! Bella, come on wake up. Please," I heard a voice ask me but I didn't do as they asked.

"Please Bella, just wake up…" whoever they were they were begging me now. I felt someone start shaking me so I slowly opened my eyes; unable to keep them closed any longer.

I looked up to see that Edward was looking down at me worriedly; his hand came up to wipe my cheek, only then did I realize I had tears running down my face. I could feel my cheeks getting hotter and knew I'd be blushing.

"Are you ok Bella? You were yelling and crying… then you wouldn't wake up…"

"It was just a bad dream Edward… Umm do Carlisle and Esme know you're in here?" I asked changing the subject.

"Yes they came in to check on you and they saw that you were asleep and said I could stay," he said calmly.

"But don't they think that…" I said but trailed off at the end. But he seemed to get what I meant.

"Don't worry, they know we aren't like that." Then why does it hurt when you say that? I asked in my head but I would never think of voicing that question. There was no way someone like Edward could like me. At least not like that.

_Whoa, Bella where did those thoughts come from huh? Since when have you liked Edward as more than a friend???? _That little nagging voice in my head asked. And I didn't have an answer. Edward was gorgeous you'd have to be either blind or really stupid not to notice that but I didn't think that was the reason behind those thoughts. But I push those thoughts back into the vault. I wasn't going to get attached to another person. Because the more you love them the more ways they have to hurt you, and the easier they can disappear.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward asked noticing my silence.

"Nothing just the dream you know? It was more like a memory actually… of when they took mum away… didn't you say I was screaming?" I told him honestly. I couldn't lie to him completely, it just felt wrong.

"Yeah why?"

"Well how come no one else is here then? Wouldn't they have heard?"

"All the walls in this house are sound proof, Esme thought that way she would be safe no matter what room Emmet sleeps in." He told me but I still didn't quite understand what Emmet had to do with it. I frowned trying to make sense of it.

"He snores like a bear, don't you remember Bella?"

I shook my head. "I don't remember much from when you guys were in Phoenix – I've blocked out those memories." I told him truthfully.

"But why, why would you do that Bella?" He asked his face becoming sad.

"Because it hurt too much to think about a better and different life… It hurt to think about you."

"I never wanted to leave you Bella, I argued so much with mum and dad but they said we need to get out of the city… Go back to sleep Bella. We have school in the morning and you'll need all the energy you can get. Everyone's anxious to meet the new girl." he giggled softly and I laid my head back down on his chest and listened to his heart beat.

He started to hum something and I slowly drifted into a finally peaceful sleep.

***

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Agh! That beeping wouldn't stop… and it was annoying. I was finally having a good sleep – which was ruined now. I felt two arms tighten around me and looked up startled. Edward was staring back at me. He _did_ stay.

"I was starting to wonder if the alarm clock was ever going to wake you up," he chuckled.

"I wish it didn't…"

"You know you don't have to go to school today if you don't want to, everyone will understand."

"No, I need a distraction." I said as I got up and pulled an outfit out of the wardrobe and walked into the bathroom, and got ready for another day. Another lie, another time I had to fake a smile and pretend I am ok.

Time passed as Alice rushed around the house getting ready for school. I heard a horn beep from outside the house and looked out the window to see a car parked there with a tall blond boy getting out of the driver's seat and a blonde girl getting out of the passenger seat.

_Jasper and Rosalie_. I thought to myself. That must be who they were. I guess it was time to leave. Time to start over.

**A/N: hope you liked it, sorry I haven't updated in a little while. I'll try and update again on Wednesday if I have time since I've got 26hrs at work next week. **

**Please review**


	4. A New School

**Chapter four: A New School – with new people**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight **__** only the plot...**_

_**A/N: I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update I really had no idea until today of how to end this chapter... I really hope you enjoy it **__** xoxo**_

"Ah, Rose and Jasper, I'm glad you came we have someone we'd like you to meet." I heard Esme say as I walked down the stairs. I looked down at the floor averting my gaze from the Rosalie and Jasper and walked to the front door where Esme stood with the two new people, Rosalie looked like a swimsuit model and Jasper was leaning against the door frame.

"This is Bella," Esme said as she heard me approach them. Esme move out of the way and gave all attention to me – you'd think she might remember that I don't like attention but I guess not… I looked up only to look back at the floor within a few seconds. If looks really could kill than I would be dead right now thanks to the glare Rosalie was giving me. Jasper didn't seem to be paying me that much attention though, and for that I was grateful.

"Umm, Hi…" I said nervously trying to be polite. But Rosalie just walked straight past me and pushed my shoulder, I stumbled back a few steps but luckily I didn't fall on my ass like I normally do.

"It's nice to meet you Bella. I'm sorry about Rose; she… well Emmet's been talking about you non-stop since he found out you'd be staying with them yesterday and let's just say Rose didn't take it too well." he tried to explain and chuckled at the end obviously amused by his sisters reaction.

"Why? I'm nothing special just an old friend they haven't seen for a while… I have to pack my bag. I'll see you around I guess. Bye Jasper." I tried to smile but I wasn't sure if it looked like a grimace or not… Jasper nodded but when he looked at my 'smile' he frowned slightly and looked at Esme raising his eyebrows.

I walked to the stairs eager to leave the scene at the front door. I walked up to my room and grabbed my already packed bag filled with six new notebooks, a few pens, and my wallet and iPod. I walked down the stairs and sat on the last one, sighing and resting my head in my hands. I could hear the conversation that was happening in the lounge room. And I hated that it was about me.

"_What happened to her Esme?"_ I heard Jasper ask seriously.

"_Who gives a fuck what happened to that spoilt brat?"_ Rosalie said harshly and I could feel the tears threatening to spill. How could she say that when she only just met me. She doesn't even know me!

"_ROSE! That was completely uncalled for. And as for what happened that is not for me to discuss with you. It is up to Bella and only Bella if you find out. Emmet, Edward and Alice all know that and agree so don't even think about trying to get it out of them. Now please leave Bella be, she doesn't deserve the treatment you are giving her, especially you Rose, grow up nothing will make Bella leave here._" I don't think I've ever heard Esme get mad before; or I've forgotten that I have. Neither Rosalie nor Jasper said anything after that. I sighed again, thankful that Esme stood up for me.

I jumped when I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I looked up to see Edward staring at me with that stupid crooked smile on his face. He seemed generally amused.

"Hasn't anyone told you it's rude to listen to other people's conversations?" He asked.

"Well there is an exception to every rule particularly when it's me they are talking about." I told him sarcastically. Edward just chuckled and shook his head.

"Come on, we need to leave if don't hurry we'll be late." He said as he held out his hand – which I took and stood up slowly.

"What a shame, we might be late for school," I said again the sarcasm was clear in my voice.

"It won't be all bad you know Bella, just try and be optimistic about it. Please?"

"I won't promise you anything but I'll try." I told him as we walked out to the garage. Edward opened my door for me and I got into his silver Volvo.

The drive to school was uneventful; we just sat in silence as Edward sped down the highway and towards the school. I stared out the window and watched the trees as the morphed into one long line of green. Everything was green: the trees, their trunks covered with moss, their branches hanging with a canopy of it, the ground covered with ferns. Even the air filtered down greenly through the leaves.

It was too green – an alien planet. [1]

I had to admit though, something about it made it seem beautiful – in its own way.

The car park was mostly empty as Edward slowed and parked the car. He smiled at me as he got out of the car and before he could open my door – as I saw him walking around the front of the car – I got out. I wasn't used to people doing things for me and it wasn't going to take some time. I saw Edward sigh but he let go whatever was bothering him and led me to the front building which had 'Front Office' written in large red (slightly faded) letters. The office was small – crowded – and I wasn't surprised to see small hanging plants in here, just moving the green from outside to inside. The lady sitting behind the desk looked up from whatever she was previously reading on her outdated computer. She blushed when she saw Edward and I didn't want to think about what was going through her mind.

"Hi Mrs Cope, this is Isabella Johnson," Edward said and I gave Mrs. Cope a small smile.

"Oh yes. Welcome to Forks dear. Here is your timetable and a map of the school. We're all excited about you coming here. And you remind me of Chief Swan...same eyes and nose... Anyway have a good day." She said getting a bit off track... I frowned when she said I looked like Chief Swan... That didn't make any sense. But I shook it off and left the room quickly. Once I was outside again I looked down at my time table and groaned at what would lay ahead of me.

Home room – Music Room

1st: English Literature – 4A

2nd: Trigonometry – 1C

3rd: Art – 2B

4th: Spare – Auditorium/Library

LUNCH

5th: Biology – Lab 3

6th: Gym – Gymnasium

That is not the timetable I was hoping for. One; maths is not my strong point, two; I have never been good at other languages, three; no hand-eye coordination. English Lit, and Biol should be alright though and a spare is always good.

"We have the same lunch, spare and biology together, should be fun. You don't faint at the sight of blood still?" Edward said reading my timetable over my shoulder.

"It isn't the sight... it's the smell, but that's beside the point." I said and looked at my watch – it was almost time for school to start. I looked up at the car park and saw students piling in and getting out of their cars. I turned around and followed the crowd into the school. Heads turned towards me and I looked around for my locker: 401.

"Bella, wait!" I heard Edward yell but I continued walking. I knew I should've stopped and waited for him but I couldn't. I couldn't let myself get that close to someone again. He left me once he can always do it again, because even if we don't like it everyone leaves at one point. You may be forced to move to another town and not be able to keep contact, or taken away, or just not be a part of my life before you even know me. I pushed back the tears as I eventually found my locker. I shoved my bag into the empty space and pulled out two books and grabbed a pen before shutting my locker and looking down at the map to help me find my home room. But just as I turned around I pumped into what felt like I brick wall, and stumbled backwards. I looked up from my map to see Edward chuckling – clearly enjoying himself.

"You thought you could get rid of me that easily?" He asked shaking his head as though it was stupid of me to think that.

"I went unnoticed for years after you left Edward, I don't see why that can't happen again. You survived without me before you can survive a few more years." I said a little more harshly than what I had intended.

"Bella, please just let me in. I won't leave again."

"You don't know that," I said just as a thin girl with bleach blonde hair walked up and snaked her arm around Edward's shoulders.

"You showing the new freak around Eddie, that is so... thoughtful," She said in a nasally voice.

"Bella is my friend Lauren," he said pushing her away – not so he'd hurt her, no he was too much of a gentlemen for that – but enough to make her get off him. "And she is not a freak; she is beautiful, smart and the most selfless person I know."

"Well I'm sure Tanya would love to know what you think of Bella," Lauren said laughing as she walked back down the hall.

"Who is Tanya?"

"It doesn't matter, come on if we don't hurry we'll be late." Edward said pulling me forward only stopping once we reached a door with 'Music' written on the glass in elegant script.

We both said a quick goodbye just as the bell rang throughout the school. I sighed and walked into the room which was already half full with students. I looked towards the back and was thankful there was still a table free. As I walked down to the back of the room I felt everyone's eyes follow me and my cheeks consequently reddened. When the teacher arrived she only noticed me when she called the roll and still didn't say anything to me. Overall it was boring – being lectured about books I'd already read last year in the advanced class wasn't what I wanted to do. So I settled for resting my head on the desk for the majority of the lesson.

When the bell finally rang we had already been given an essay to write on Romeo and Juliet. I left the classroom silently not paying attention to the people who stared at me as I walked down the hallways. I thought it would be easier to go unnoticed at a school of this size; but I was sorely wrong. I was like a shiny new toy to a three year old. Everyone was excited about there being a new girl to embarrass and gossip about. But I wasn't going to give them anything to gossip about other than me keeping to myself and becoming the schools 'loner'. Trig passed and I had a headache by the end of it. My teacher had an annoyingly high voice and her hair was pulled back into a tight bun, that combined with the fact that the problems confused the hell out of me and I couldn't figure most of them out, I left the room with my head pounding annoyingly. By the time Art finished we had only covered the basics and talked about our assignment. To my surprise Alice and Jasper were in the class as well. Alice was her normal bubbly self and patted the seat next to her. I just shook my head and went to the only other spare seat at the back of the room. Her face fell as I walked past her and I hated that I made her sad but I can't get close to her – or any of the Cullen's – again. It will just give them more ways to hurt me. I love them all, I truly do but I would rather them hate me because the people I get close to either leave me or I hurt them. So while I would much rather be close to them like I used to – it's better for them if they stay away from me. For our assignment we had to draw/paint something that reminded us of our childhood. At least this class was going to be easy. I can draw reasonably well and have always done well in any of my art classes. I don't think any of the Cullen's knew that I could draw… and I hoped they didn't. Drawing was my way off letting everything out. If I got stressed I drew, if I got mad I drew, if I was happy I drew. I draw whenever I can't sleep or if I get an idea of something to draw; I always have my drawing pad with me.

I looked down at my map as I tried to find my way to the Auditorium. The people walking in the hallway stared at me as I walked past them; they all moved out of my way as if I had the plague or something. I looked down at the floor and felt my cheeks get hotter.

I sat in the far left corner up the back of the auditorium while I drew the stage and the few girls who were brave enough to get up there and dance and the ones lying down on the sides doing homework or reading. I had just started adding a little bit of colour to my drawing when the bell rang. I went to pick up my bag from the floor but there was someone standing there. I looked up to see none other than Edward Cullen.

"What do want Edward?" I asked my voice void of any emotion.

"What happened, Bella? Why are you avoiding us? You're just hurting everyone."

"Everyone I get close to either leaves or get's taken away. It's just better for you if I stay away. Now please don't talk to me again, Edward." I said as I pushed past him and headed for the library where I would spend my lunch alone.

Although I wasn't as alone as I thought I'd be for lunch. Before I went to the library I quickly went into the girl's toilets where I was ambushed by three girls.

One had red hair and was tall and thin and had a body that any girl would long for but her tight short-shorts and singlet which stopped just above her belly button, not to mention the sneer of her face just made her look ugly. To her right was another girl with bleach blonde hair and was wearing a pink v-neck shirt which showed way too much cleavage. And on her left was the brown haired girl who seemed nice – like she was only here because she had to be. But her eyes were full of hatred and anger.

"Umm… did you want anything?" I asked breaking the uneasy silence that had fallen over the bathroom. If there was anyone else in here they didn't move. You could've heard a feather drop.

"Oh like you don't know. Stay away from Edward. He is mine, and you're just a filthy whore. Just because you live with him doesn't mean shit; if you so much as talk to him ever again I will make your life a living hell. Comprende?" Guess this is Tanya and the blonde one is Lauren from this morning.

"What makes you think that I'll listen to you? You are just a spoilt brat whose head is too far up her ass to see that you're losing Edward. Which FYI would've happened if I'd come here or not." Turns out Tanya didn't like me saying that and before I knew it her hand flashed out in front of me and I heard the deafening smack of her hand hitting my cheek. Damn that would leave a mark. I looked up at her and glared at her. She didn't even budge so I shoved past her and headed for the library. I rubbed my cheek once I sat down at a desk and begun drawing random stuff from all over the library.

By the time the bell rang the library was almost empty and my stomach was growling at me for not eating anything since breakfast. I packed up all my books and bowed my head as I walked through the corridors with the people pushing past me. I looked up so I knew where I was and just as looked back down someone pushed me down. I stumbled back and fell on my butt. My books were scattered around me and I looked up to see who had pushed me but all I saw was people pointing and laughing, at me. I took a deep breath and picked up all of my stuff off the floor and I stood back up. I walked to biology with the sound of all those people laughing at me still in my head. I felt my eyes begin to water and a stray tear fell down my cheek but I brushed it away before anyone had the chance to see it – not that they pay that much attention to me except when I make a fool of myself.

I entered the biology room and thanked whatever god there is that the teacher wasn't here yet. However all the students where and as I walked to the only empty seat in the room – which just happened to be next to Edward – I felt all eyes on me just hoping I'd trip over or did something they could gossip about. I swear teenagers are just as bad as old ladies when it comes to gossip. I looked down at the table and refused to talk to Edward the entire lesson. He tried to pass me notes but I just threw them in my bag before even reading them; he tried talking to me while Mr. Banner was going on about genetics or something... I think.

I know I'm probably not being fair to any of the Cullen's and to everyone else I probably seem like a bitch but to me this was the only thing that made sense. The whispers about me looking like their Chief of Police didn't make sense; their angry stars didn't make sense; Rosalie's hatred for me didn't make sense; and the Cullen's trying to be my friends didn't make sense. So much didn't make sense and I didn't know what else to do. I watched as the seconds ticked by on my watch and as soon as the bell rang I had my stuff packed up and headed for the door.

There is only one word to describe gym; terrifying. The couch told me to get changed and then made me play volleyball. Not a good idea for the clumsiest person alive.

Edward was waiting for me at my locker. He attempted to talk to me... again. But I simply nodded or shook my head at whatever he was saying. By the time we made it to the parking lot he had given up on trying to get me to talk to him.

On the way to the car girls were running up to him and flirted with him even though he wasn't interested and he has a girlfriend Tanya... But that didn't stop these girls. They wanted a piece of Edward Cullen even if he was taken. I honestly felt sorry for these girls. But even if I tried to tell them not to bother the chances of them actually listening to me is very slim.

"Hey Edward, are you like doing anything this weekend? Cause I was like wondering if you wanted to like hang out or something." One girl said while she practically hung off his arm.

I found it amusing although I don't think Edward thought that... It was a different story once Tanya came. Stupid tall bitch with red hair, big boobs, long perfect legs, perfect body... she was just so bloody perfect! It was only once she came over that I started to feel uncomfortable. She talked to Edward while he ignored me and the glares she was sending my way. I don't understand what her problem is. I would never have a chance with Edward. Too many things have changed over the years.

Finally we were back at the Cullen's. I walked straight up to my room ignoring Alice and Emmet who were already there and the glares Rosalie gave me as I walked by the lounge room. I got my iPod out of my bag and turned the volume up to full as I listened to the music and drowned out everything around me.

I can't understand why things had to change so quickly. Nothing seemed to work anymore, nothing made sense.

All I could think about was the things people said about the Chief of Police: Charlie Swan – I heard some kids complaining because he'd caught them. I don't know why I couldn't get my mind off that but I just wanted to know more about it. Why was everyone saying I had his eyes and I look so much like him etc! I just don't get it!

I didn't realise how long I'd been up here till Esme knocked on my door and told me dinner was ready. So I got up and walked down to the dining room. Carlisle was still at work since he'd been given a night shift – I am never becoming a surgeon! Esme tried to make small talk with everyone about their day but no one seemed willing to make the effort to reply with much detail.

"I'm not feeling well is it ok if I just go back to my room?" I ask quietly yet the others still give me strange looks since I hadn't eaten much since breakfast and they knew it. I just wasn't hungry right now. Once I was back in my room I picked up my mobile from the bedside table.

_No New Messages_

What a surprise! Not... no one ever texts me...

I type in the number of the place mum is staying at since she was moved out of the hospital and into an actually house with other people. I was just staring at the number and almost pressed the call button when Edward opened my door.

"There is someone on the phone for you," he told me with a trouble expression on his face. I couldn't understand why he would have the look on his face just because there was someone wanting to talk to me... He held out his arm as I got up and walked towards him. I took the phone and held it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Bella, is that you?"

"Mum?" I asked completely stunned.

"Yes sweetie..." despite her intentions I could tell she was nervous and upset about something.

"Mum, what's wrong?"

"I have to tell you something."

_**A/N: Sorry about the cliffy... Hope you all enjoyed it **__** I'll try and update sooner this time**_

**note: [1] is a quote from Twilight**


	5. A Part of me I didn't want to find

**A/N: I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update... things have just been a bit hectic at the moment... I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I'll do my best to update faster next time.**

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**Chapter five: Finding a part of me I didn't want to find**

_Previously: "Mum, what's wrong?"_

_ "I have to tell you something."_

"What are you talking about mum?" I was getting worried now and I looked up to Edward who moved into my room and closed the door. He put his hands on my shoulders and gently pushed me back to my bed and we both sat down on the edge. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to him with my head leaning on his shoulder.

"My psychologist said it would be good for both of us if I told you this... He said that it will take a lot of weight off my shoulders – so to speak. He is a really nice guy, Dr. Dwyer..." She trailed off...

"Mum, you're rambling. What do you need to tell me?"

"Right, sorry sweetie... Well has anyone been telling you about Chief Swan?" She said nervously.

"Yeah what does that have to do with anything?"

"Charlie Swan is your father Bella..." _WHAT!!!??? _That can't be right! My father couldn't be in Forks. It's just... he can't!!!

"No!! I mean... what?"

"He is your father Bella. I'm so sorry I never told you... Esme and Carlisle knew but that was only because they overheard me on the phone arguing to him once. I sent him photos of you and emailed him a few video's so he knew what you looked like... I was going to tell you sweetie... I was just waiting for the right moment. I'm so sorry..."

"They knew!? How can they know who my father is and not me? What the fuck mum? I had every right to know who he was! Whether the moment was right or not is beside the point! I gotta go mum... I'll call you later... bye." I said and hung up. I felt bad for hanging up on her like that, but I needed time to wrap my head around this... I felt my eyes begin to water and my throat began to tighten.

"Bella what did your mum say?"

"Charlie Swan is my father and your mum and dad knew... They knew and never told me..." I said and the first of many sobs broke through.

I don't know how long I cried but Edward never left my side the whole time.

***

I sat up off my bed and looked around. It was still dark and Edward was asleep next to me on my bed. He looked so peaceful, with a smile on his face. I wonder what he is dreaming about. I go into the bathroom and wash my face. I take a few deep breaths determined not to burst out into tears again.

I walked back into my room and turned on my computer. I thank whatever God there is that I'm able to get on the internet.

I load Google and type in _Charlie Swan+ Chief of Police Forks_

I looked at the images. He had short brown hair, brown eyes, and a mustash. Everyone was right – I do have his eyes. I had always wondered why I didn't have blue eyes like mum. I didn't know why I looked so different from mum compared to the other girls in my class. Once I was older I stopped wondering and just accepted that I got more of my father's genes than my mothers. I stared at the photo until my alarm went off. I got up and turned it off. Edward was still asleep so I knelt next to him and lightly shook him trying to wake him up nicely. I was just about to say something to him when Alice barged in, her finger to her lips motioning for me to be quiet and an air-horn in her hand. She walked to the bed and stood next to Edward. She raised the air-horn to his ear.

"1...2...3" She whispered and blew the horn.

Edward sat up in the bed looking around nervously, thinking something was wrong. Alice burst out laughing and was literally rolling around on the floor. I just shook my head and smiled at Edward so he knew nothing was wrong.

"Jesus Alice... next time don't do that so close to my ear unless you want a deaf brother." She just giggle and danced out the door. So obviously Alice is going to be her usual happy, energetic and generally enthusiastic self today – I don't think she knows about the phone call last night; which is rather surprising since she had always known something would happen before it did. She'll find out sooner or later... I should probably tell here since she used to be – no still is my best friend. But I couldn't bring myself to talk about it. I was wary about talking in general, too afraid of what I might say or that I'll breakdown again (I seem to be doing that a lot recently...).

I let Edward get his hearing back while I went and had a shower so I could get ready for school. If I wasn't looking forward to school today before last night I definitely was now – there is no way I'll be able to concentrate on anything. I let the water heat up as I got undressed and brushed my hair. I stepped into the shower and just let the hot water hit my back. It felt so good, so calming and relaxing. I washed my hair using my favourite shampoo and stood there. I don't remember how long I was in the shower but it must have been longer than usual cause when I got out my back was bright red from the hot water... maybe I should have used some cold.

I got dressed and ready for the day, pushing away the thought that didn't want to go away. I know I will have to face it at some point today but right now I wasn't in the mood for it... or anything really. I just wanted to leave. I walked back into my room and saw that Edward had already left my room. I sat down on my bed and looked at the mirror on my wardrobe. I looked horrible; my eyes were red and puffy, I had dark bags under my eyes from not sleeping properly and my skin was a ghostly white and not one thing about my appearance looked even slightly healthy. I sighed and grabbed my bag from the floor groaning when I remembered the amount of homework I had been given to do last night.

I sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen counter and Esme passed me some cereal and milk. I could feel everyone staring at me so they had obviously been told what happened last night. Joy...

"Belly Bean, are you ok?" Emmett asked generally concerned.

"Sure Emmett," I told him – although as hard as I tried my voice was void of any emotion as I spoke head down looking at my bowl. I sighed not feeling hungry anymore and I took my bowl to the bin and poured it out.

"Sorry Esme but I'm just not hungry right now," I told her apologetically.

"It's ok sweetie, just make sure you eat something at school." She told me with her maternal instincts taking over.

I nodded and waited outside on the porch for Edward. When he finally walked out the door, yelling a goodbye to Esme I got up and followed him to his car.

School was boring and repetitive. It was some university day today so no one did anything we just sat in the auditorium all day (except for lunch). And unfortunately for me that meant my mind could wander.

So all the things I didn't want to think about today – I fucking thought about.

Did I want to meet Charlie?

Would he want to meet me?

Could I still hate him now I could put a face and name to the man that left me and my mother so long ago?

Did I still want to hate him? He is the only family I have right now since Renee is away...no that's not true. The Cullen's are family. We may not be related by blood but we are family.

And that was when I decided. During a talk from some guy from Yale; I will go to Charlie's house after school... if Edward will take me. I'm not really sure how or why I came to this decision but I did, and I was going to stick to it.

The final bell rang signalling the end on school. I looked over to where Edward was sitting with that Tanya girl leaning all over him. I sighed and got up from my seat. I waited out by Edward's car and watched him walk across the parking lot with Tanya still hanging off him. I groaned again.

"Oh Jesus Bella I'm sorry, I was meant to tell you this morning I can't take you home... Tanya and I are going to the movies tonight. You can catch a ride with Emmett though, he won't mind."

He was blowing me off for that bitch!! Tanya had the biggest smirk on her face and I just wanted to slap her so she knew what it felt like for once.

"It's ok; I needed to go into town anyways... I guess I'll see you at home later..." I said quietly and pulled my hood up over my face to hide from the world as I walked out of the school grounds and towards Charlie's house.

***

And there it was; a simple two story house close to town but not right in the centre and across the road to the forest. I thanked my lucky stars when I saw the police cruiser in the driveway. I walked up to the front door and took a big breath before knocking twice. When the door opened and Charlie stood there still in uniform I let out the breath that I didn't realise I was still holding.

"Hello? Can I help you?" His voice sounded fatherly... if that's possible... I don't think it is... but suddenly I was sad I'd never gotten to meet him until now.

"Are you Charlie Swan?" I asked my voice shaking as I looked up at him.

"Yes," he answered warily, probably wondering who this nut was on his front porch.

"I'm Isabella Johnson, your daughter."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for another cliffy... I hope you like the chapter... I know it ended kinda quickly but I couldn't really go into detail about her thought process since I've never gone through something like this... Please review I love knowing what you all think.**


	6. Author's note sorry

Hey everyone,

Sorry this isn't another chapter – I've got heaps of assignments that need to get done And in previous chapters I have left out my disclaimer... oops. So;

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything twilight only SM does, I only own the story line **

This disclaimer will count for all and any chapter I forget to put it in. I just had to clear that up. I hope to have another chapter up in a few weeks I'll see how I go.

Love, obsessed_with_vampires


	7. Old Friends

**A/N: Sorry about the length between updates. I hope you all like this chapter :) R&R**

**Chapter six: Old Friends and new acquaintances'**

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight only SM does – I only own the story line._

'**Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you, but it is most important that you do it.'**

**Mohandas Gandhi**

_Previously:_

_"Are you Charlie Swan?" I asked my voice shaking as I looked up at him._

_"Yes," he answered warily, probably wondering who this nut was on his front porch. _

_"I'm Isabella Johnson, your daughter."_

"Renee's daughter?" He asked stunned.

"Yes, who else would be my mother?" that sounded really bitchy, damn it. I wanted to make a good impression but I guess that's out the window now.

"Oh right, did you want to come inside?"

"That would be nice thank you," I said nodding.

He house was simple inside and out. He led me into the lounge room which had a large plasma screen, an old lounge set and a coffee table; simple, yet nice and homey.

He sighed and looked up at me a frown forming on his face. "I guess I should have expected you to turn up eventually. When did she tell you?"

"Last night... why didn't you ever call? Why did you leave?" I asked as I felt my throat beginning to get tighter.

"I left because I wasn't ready to be a father, I'd only just entered the police force and I was still so young I could never have raised you to be the wonderful girl you are right now. And I never called because even though your mother sent me letters, emails and video's of you, she asked me not to call you. Please don't misunderstand me, I loved both you and Renee, even though I had never met you everyday that's gone past I've always wondered what you'd say when you finally met me and when I watched the video's I always had a smile on my face, because I couldn't help but love you even though we still hadn't met. Leaving you two was the biggest mistake of my life."

I just stared at him for a few minutes attempting to take in everything he had just said. Mum asked him not to call? He loved me? I blinked as I tried to concentrate on what was happening here and now rather than let the memories of being picked on for not having a father take over.

"She was taken away..." I whispered quietly, I almost thought he hadn't heard me.

"Taken away?"

"She was diagnosed with clinical depression and was seen as an unfit mother or some shit." oh shit I just swore in front of him, now that good impression is really thrown out the fucking window – just great Bella. But when I looked up at him he was smiling and he started to laugh. I frowned not understanding what was so funny about my fowl mouth.

"Sorry," he said once he'd sobered up. "It's just you seem to have inherited my awful language. So where are you staying now?" He asked getting serious again.

"With the Cullen's, they used to be our neighbours in Phoenix till I was six – we were best friends – but I hadn't spoken to them until a couple of days ago when I came here."

"Carlisle's family?" he asked and I nodded. "They are nice people, we were lucky he came here, best doctor we've ever had."

"Yea, he was always there to fix me up whenever I fell... I'm a klutz," I smiled remembering all the times he has stitched me up or had to put a cast on my arm or leg. Whenever mum took me to the hospital he was always there to ask how I'd managed to hurt myself this time, and after giving him an exaggerated version of what actually happened he smile at me and sometimes we'd both end up laughing.

"Yes well you can thank me for that,"

I frowned again – I seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

"I have horrible balance." He explained.

"Oh right, I'm not sure if I should be mad or not..." I told him and we both laughed.

We kept talking till around 4:30pm and it was time for me to go. I stood up and Charlie followed me to the door.

"I guess I should call Emmett to see if he can pick me up,"

"No, no I can drive you there it's no problem Isabella."

"If you're sure, and you can call me Bella, only teachers and Gran called me Isabella." I told him as he shut the front door behind him and led me to his police cruiser. The car drive back to the Cullen's was quiet but it was comfortable.

When we got up to the top of the driveway Alice looked through the window near the front door and I could see her jump when she saw me getting out of the police cruiser. I chuckled to myself as I watched her throw the front door open and run over to where Charlie had parked.

"OH MY GOD, Bella what happened? Are you ok? Are you in trouble? Where have you been, you didn't answer your phone and neither would Edward, we were so worried." she babbled out when she finally reached us. I couldn't help but laugh at her. Which only earned me a glare worthy of one Rosalie would give me, but it didn't really stop me laughing at her.

"Bella stop laughing at your friend, she was obviously worried."

Alice just kept looking between me and Charlie after he called me 'Bella'.

"Alice, I take it you know who this is," She nodded once. "Well Charlie is my... dad." I said quietly. Saying it out loud was harder than I thought it would be. Alice stood there looking between me and Charlie her mouth still hanging open in shock. I started laughing and so did Charlie.

"Come on Charlie," I said leading him up to the house. Eventually Alice comes running up behind us and bursts through the door running into the lounge room.

"Charlie Swan is Bella's DAD!" she yelled as she jumped through the doorway.

I walked in awkwardly with Charlie right behind me; everyone turned to stare at us. I didn't realise what time it was but Edward was back and Tanya was still here. _Shit_.

"Wait – Chief Swan is Bella's dad? This is so good..." She murmured to herself.

"Tanya Denil correct?" Charlie asked and Tanya nodded looking slightly scared now. "Bella told me about something you said and did to her in the bathroom the other day, now I could easily charge you for bullying since that is not classed as a criminal offence and also the rumours you are probably formulating in that pretty little head of yours won't do you any good." Charlie said and Tanya shrank back into the couch where she was sitting with Edward.

"What did you say to Bella?" Esme and Edward asked at the same time. I looked down at the floor and blushed. I'm glad he stuck up for me; just like a father should, but I wish he didn't bring that up...

"It was nothing, just a little friendly welcoming to the school." She said he face perfectly portraying that of complete innocents.

"Oh so you slap every new girl at Forks High School and tell them to stay away from "your man"? I said standing in front of her glaring daggers at her wishing they were real.

"You slapped Bella?" Edward asked Tanya, although it wasn't so much a question as a statement. "How could you do that? Oh right I remember, you're a bitch, excuse the language, how I never noticed it till now is beyond me. Get out! I never want to see you again!" Edward shouted and I smiled somewhat smug he finally broke up with her.

"Like I care – you're all freaks anyway!" She spat.

Everyone glared at her as she ran from the room, slamming the front door behind her as she left. We were probably being a little bit harsh on her and acting just as bad towards her as she did to me. But this time **she** deserved it. We all sat/stood in silence until Alice squealed and jumped up and down while clapping her hands, we all stared at her for a minute or two and then burst out laughing.

"I'm so sorry she hurt you, Bella. You didn't deserve it." Edward said once he'd calmed down. "I don't even remember what I ever saw in her..."

"It's ok Edward... Besides you're just a hormonal teenager, it's only normal to only go out with a girl cause they look _hot_. I understand completely," I said to him, lightly patting him on the shoulder almost as though I felt sorry for him (which I did, I mean who wouldn't feel sorry for him he was going out with Tanya!), I giggled to myself as I turned around to get some chips or something from the kitchen when suddenly I was flying.

I hit the floor with a thud and heard everyone gasp. I turned my head to look at Edward smiling sheepishly. He sat back a little and I turned around so I was facing him. I narrowed my eyes at him, why the hell did he just knock me to the floor?

He moved his hands towards my stomach and I watched in horror. How could he remember this? How does he remember that I'm ticklish!! This isn't fair. I needed to get away but he had me pinned down. I tried to wriggle free but it was no use. I took a deep breath and shut my eyes.

The torture began. I couldn't stop laughing. By now I could see everyone watching with a big smile on their faces – yeah just happy it isn't them.

"You gonna give in?"

"N...o..." I managed to get out between laughs.

But my stubbornness only made the situation worse...

"What about now?"

"NO!" I yelled when I caught my breath, only to go straight back into another fit of hysterics. I swear if he doesn't stop this soon I'll pee my pants. Oh shit! Maybe I should give in... NO! I can't... yes... really need to pee. Damn it!

"I give! I give! Just let me go to the toilet!" I yelled and Edward got off me and I ran to the toilet listening to the laughter behind me. I slammed the door shut and sighed in relief. I guess that is what I get for picking on Edward like that. It was fun thou – even if my stomach hurts now. Maybe I was wrong about staying away from them...

* * *

**A/N: There you have it. Hope you like it. Sorry it has taken me so long to write it. I have three exams coming up; modern history, Maths B, and Biology – so wish me like.**

**Please review **

**xoxo**


	8. Sorry

**A/N: Ok so here is the next addition of Starting Over - sorry about the wait on this one. I hope you all like it :)**

Chapter seven: Sorry...

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight – all credit goes to the wonderful SM. I only own the plot _

**If you want something to worry about, worry about tomorrow. Gibbs, NCIS**

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months.

Charlie was slowly becoming more like family – as scary as it was. He came over to the Cullen's every Sunday night for dinner and would stay and talk to Esme and Carlisle. Me and Edward were best friends again. If I thought the girls throwing themselves at him was bad before, it was nothing compared to now. They were everywhere – around the corner, outside his classroom, _inside_ his classroom, at his house! I mean can't these girls take a hint? He is _not_ interested.

Even mum has been getting better according to her physiologist, Dr. Dwyer. It's been six months since I moved here. And everything has changed so much since then. Everything seems so much happier, lighter... Forks may be raining all the time but it feels so much better here than it ever did at Phoenix.

Tanya couldn't really take a hint either and was still spreading rumours about me. Sure she stayed away from Edward, because that's what he asked her to do, but me? Nope, she hasn't left me alone. I wish she would. I mean what have I ever done to her? Well apart from making her ultra hot boyfriend realise how much of a bitch she is. Now everyone at school, apart from the Cullen's and Jasper, avoided me like I was the plague. People would whisper about me as I walked down the halls and in my classes. I have no idea what they are whispering about but to be honest I don't really care. If they have nothing better to do than listen to Tanya's pathetic lies then by all means they can continue doing that. Although not everything she said was a lie – but I'd never tell the good people of Forks that. One thing she had gotten right was that my mother has clinical depression (how she found that out I don't know, only according to Tanya, mum was also a drugie and used to let her drug-dealer friends 'have their way with me' if she was short of cash. None of the second part was true and Tanya was on the receiving end of a **very** angry Bella when I got called to the counsellor's office once they'd heard the rumour. That wasn't a particularly pretty lunch time...

Today is the one day of the year I hate the most – my birthday. I seriously hoped none of the Cullen's remembered and that Charlie wouldn't bring it up. He was meant to be coming over for dinner tonight instead of Sunday, because he_ had something else on._

"Bella, phone!" Esme yelled up to me just as I was coming down the stairs for breakfast. I got to the phone and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Bella?" mum said

"Yea mum it's me... what'd you want?"

"What do I want? It's your birthday! Happy 17th, sweetheart. Have you told the Cullen's?"

"No mum – you know I don't like my birthday..." I groaned.

"It's Bella's birthday!!!" I heard Alice yell from upstairs. Damn her! She must have had the other upstairs phone... Fuck...

"Hey mum, I gotta go; I'll call you again tonight. I love you. Thanks for calling." I told mum quickly.

"Ok sweetie. I love you too." And the line disconnected.

I put the phone down and stormed up the stairs. Stopping once I reached the second floor.

"ALICE MARY CULLEN! You come here right now!" I yelled as I walked towards her room.

"NO! You can't make me!" She yelled back at me from behind her door.

"Alice, how dare you listen into mine and mums conversation! You had no right to do that! Let alone yell out to the whole house that it's my birthday!"

"Your right Bella I know shouldn't have done that but I thought it was your birthday today and organised a surprise party with mum and dad, I just wanted to make sure I had the right date."

"And you couldn't have just asked me?"

"I knew you'd tell me it wasn't today... you always hated your birthday."

"Bella, why are you yelling?" I heard Edward ask as he walked out of his room.

"Alice listened in on my conversation with mum. And now I find out she is throwing me a party when I don't want one!" I told him quickly – now realising that in reality it isn't that big a deal, but I really don't like parties. "Alice... if I let you have this party can we not have one next year?" there see I can compromise. Alice's squeal rang through the house and I had to shield my ears against the onslaught of high-pitch squealing. Edward just laughed at the both of us.

"I hope you don't mind, Bella, but I got you a birthday present..." Edward said cautiously.

"Edward, you of all people should know that I don't like money being spent on me."

"Well technically it didn't cost me a lot... at least nothing over $100.00" he said rather shyly as he bought his hand forward from behind his back; a small blue box in his hands. I took the box with my shaking hands – and I have no idea what that reason might be.

"Bella you have nothing to be nervous about. Why are you shaking?"

"I don't know..." I told him truthfully and quietly, slowly lifting the lid to reveal the most beautiful thing I have ever seen... well besides Edward...

"The bracelet was my mothers, and so was the diamond heart charm."

"Edward, I... I don't know what to say..." I tell him honestly as I gaze upon the beautiful charm bracelet; the diamond heart; music note; the better 'B' is magnificent cursive writing; a golden pen and a small Cullen crest.

"Thank you would do,"

"Thank you." I say quickly which only results in a chuckle from Edward.

"I see you like Edwards gift... Put it on!" Alice yelled from behind me.

"Jesus Alice, don't do that!" I said after I jumped about ten feet in the air. Ok that might be a little bit of an exaggeration but I had no idea she was there and she freaked me out.

"Oh hush, you still alive aren't you?" I nod in response. "Exactly so no harm done," she said waving her hand as though almost giving me a heart attack wasn't a problem. "Now give me that beautiful hand of yours and your new charm bracelet." She ordered me and motioned for me to give her my hand. So I obliged and held my arm out towards her and she clipped the bracelet on. It was so beautiful – I couldn't believe Edward gave it to me... I mean he could've given to any other person, to Tanya (although I'm glad she didn't get it or one of his other girlfriends)... I don't deserve it... Now I will always have a part of Edward with me at all times – I doubt that's why he gave it to me but it has made me happier than I expected.

I could feel my eyes begin to water and a single tear fell down my cheek as I turned back around towards Edward and into my room. But just as I passed him, he took my hand and pulled me back towards him. Tears continued to stream down my cheeks as I looked at the floor. Edward's hand slid under my chin and lifted my head up so I was looking at him.

"Bella, why are you crying? If you don't like it I can always get you something else. I mean I completely understand it was too much. I know you hate –" he rambled but I cut him off by placing my finger to his lips.

"Edward, I love the bracelet and the charms that are on it. It just feels like too much. I'm just your best friend – I don't feel like I deserve this..." I said quietly noticing Alice had left.

"Bella... my mum told me to give this bracelet to the girl I love. Bella I love you."

I think my mouth just fell to the floor. My eyes widened in shock. EDWARD CULLEN of all people LOVES ME!! It all made sense now... the sadness when he said we were only friends, the jealously, the electric feeling whenever he touched me... I loved him too.

"I love you too," I tell him and he gets the biggest, goofiest smile on his face. I guess I kinda scared him when I didn't answer for a little while. He leaned his head down and placed his lips on mine in a slow kiss. My tears stopped and my hands wrapped around his neck and up into his hair pulling his head closer to mine.

"Ok break it up you to – we need to get to school!" Alice yelled. Way to ruin the moment stupid pixie... oh well you gotta love her.

"Ok Alice, I'll be down in a sec, I just have to grab my bag." I tell her letting go of Edward, now slightly out of breath.

***

School went by in a blur. No one mentioned my birthday again, thankfully. I found out Rosalie and Jasper are both meant to be coming tonight and Alice is looking forward to playing _'Bella Barbie'_. Apparently she got me three new outfits for my birthday; one for tonight; one for school; and a party dress (which basically means a skimpy little dress that will leave nothing to the imagination).

Classes were boring as usually and I couldn't have been happier that the only homework I got for the weekend was art.

I went home with Edward after school was over and made him slow down just so it took us longer to get to home.

"Bella, you know we will get home eventually."

"I know, but the longer it takes us to get there the shorter the party will be." I reasoned lamely.

Edward just laughed at my obviously useless attempt at reasoning and sped up towards home.

The events that followed us arriving home were interesting to say the least. Alice came running out to Edward's car yelling profanities at both me and Edward for being late. She grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the house; I looked back at Edward and he mouthed "I'm sorry" I tried to smile back at him but I think it looked more like a grimace.

Esme gave me a sympathetic look as we passed her in the lounge room. We headed up the stairs and I tripped twice in true Bella fashion. We reached Alice's room and thankfully I have gotten used to the amount of pink – she really needed to get some different colours in here... maybe one time while she is out with Jasper...

I looked on her queen sized bed and saw three outfits.

On the far left was a beautiful chocolate brown spaghetti-strap-dress with a bow underneath the bust and a pair of matching flats along with some extra jewellery. (_**See link on profile)**_

In the middle was a pair of black denim jean paired with a blue loose tee and a black jacket, some high-heels I knew would kill me, a beautiful necklace and some bracelets. (_**See link on profile)**_

On the right was a mini black and silver dress that looked like it would only just go past my bum... how lovely... (_**See link on profile)**_

Alice zipped around her room and grabbed everything she needed before pushing me into the bathroom and telling me to strip... so I did. Once I was done I wrapped a towel around me and sighed as I opened the door to let Alice in.

I let Alice do her work and just went to my happy place... Laying on my bed the curtains drawn music playing loudly and reading a good book or drawing... I sighed and after a couple of minutes of tugging and pulling and brushing she was done – finally! I opened my eyes and looked in the mirror and in all honestly I was shocked. My hair was straightened with some skilfully added curls, my eyes had heavy eyeliner and mascara (but it didn't look bad or gothic just enough to make my eyes stand out), the foundation was light and even and my lips had a slight gloss.

"Wow Alice... Thank you." I told her honestly.

"It's ok, now go out into my room and get dressed while I get ready."

I did as I was told and quickly put the dress on, I was just putting on my heels when Alice walked out, hair and makeup done, dressed and shoes on.

"Geez Bella, you really are slow..."

"No Alice you're just freakishly fast."

"Well it doesn't really matter either way... now let's go blow Edward away, quickly now," She said pulling me out the door and to the top of the stairs. "I'm going to go down first and when I reach the bottom you'll follow... everyone else is already here."

Alice left and I listened to her feet as she went down each step. I took ten deep breaths before putting my hand on the railing and descended down the stairs. I kept my eyes on the stairs – I could feel everyone look at me as I came into view, and I really didn't want to trip. Someone, probably Emmett, wolf-whistled at me and naturally I blushed. My cheeks went an even darker red when I looked up to see Edward standing at the bottom of the stairs his mouth wide open and everyone else started clapping.

"Happy birthday, Bella." everyone yelled as I finally stepped off the last stair. Edward pulled me into a hug.

"Happy birthday," he whispered in my ear.

We moved to the dining room where there was a large pile of presents and a cake that looked like it could feed 50.

"Guys, you didn't need to do all this..." I said quietly.

"Yes we did Bella, we haven't seen you for six years – we have a lot of making up to do." Carlisle said putting his hand on my shoulder and wrapping his arms around me. He let me go just as the phone rang. Esme left to answer it. We all went quiet as we waited for her to get back.

"Yes, I'm Esme Cullen, who are you?" Esme said into the phone seriously.

We waited for her to speak again moving closer – unable to contain our interest.

"What sort of problem? And why do you need Bella?" She asked sounding worried now.

I moved out from behind the door and walked up beside Esme. She dropped the phone and turned to look at me tears already flowing down her cheeks.

**A/N: sorry about the cliff hanger – hope you liked this chapter. Sorry it took so long for me to update. Please review and let me know what you think is going to happen next.**


	9. Problem

**A/N: Sorry this is a short chapter but it will hopefully be enough for now - I'll update again asap... please let me know what you think...**

**Chapter eight: Problem**

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight – all credit goes to the wonderful SM. I only own the plot _

**Esme POV**

Everyone was getting ready to celebrate Bella's 17th. I couldn't believe how grown up she is now. From the little rosie-cheeked girl I knew in Phoenix she certainly has come a long way. And Alice had done wonders for her tonight – she was beautiful and completely stunned Edward. I know she misses Renee but I think she is finally feeling more at home now. Not to mention she finally found Charlie – it was a little hard these past years to pretend I didn't know he had a daughter in Phoenix who was desperate to know who her father was, but Carlisle said that we had to, for both Bella and Renee. It has always been up to Renee to tell Bella; it was only by coincidence that me and Carlisle found out.

The phone rang and broke me out of my thoughts. I left the room quietly knowing they would follow me anyway. I closed the door to the lounge room and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" I asked politely.

"Hello, is this Esme Cullen?" They voice on the other line asked.

"Yes, I'm Esme Cullen, who are you?" I said into the phone seriously.

"My name is Dr. Phil Dwyer, Renee's Psychologist, see there has been a problem and we need Bella to come back to Phoenix."

"What sort of problem? And why do you need Bella?" I asked my voice got slightly higher... now I'm worried.

"Renee committed suicide last night..."

I dropped the phone and my mind went blank and tears streamed down my cheeks I stepped back shocking Bella when I turned to face her. She gasped at me and bent down to pick up the phone, her own expression soon becoming one of loss and pain. I put my own pain to the side as I looked at Bella and thought of the pain she must be going through. For so many years she only had her mother - they always had a close bond. And now all of that has been taken away. She only just talked to Renee this morning it didn't make sense... I pulled Bella into my arms as she yelled into the phone.

"I don't care what you say! She will be moved here! I will NOT go back to Phoenix. You have no right to say things like that about my mother, you hardly knew her! Now leave me alone!"

She put the phone down and pushed me away and ran up the stairs. Edward ran after her yelling out her name but she never turned around. I let out a sob and crashed to the floor. Carlisle ran to me - his worry for both me and Bella was evident in his eyes.

"Esme, what has happened?"

"Renee is dead, she killed herself last night..." I struggled to get out the words to tell them what has happened. I couldn't believe that my best friend for so many years is dead...

**A/N: Sorry it's so short I haven't got much time, I promise the next chapter will be longer. Hope you liked it **


	10. Why did this have to happen?

**A/N: So this is the next update hope you all enjoy it. I'm also helping a friend with her next chapter of Volturi Slave – it's dark but check it out **** enjoy**

**Chapter nine: Why did this have to happen?**

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight – all credit goes to the wonderful SM. I only own the plot _

**BPOV**

Esme handed me then phone, I looked at it for a minute – worried about what it could be…

"Hello? Is this Bella Johnson?" a deep voice asked.

"Yes," I mumbled into the phone.

"My name is Dr. Phil Dwyer. I'm sorry to inform you that Renee committed suicide today. We all thought she was making great progress but obviously she hid a lot from us. Is there anything you can think of that may have led to her killing herself? Maybe you said something to her this morning and she reacted badly; a bad memory maybe? We would also like for you to come back to Phoenix to bury her." He rambled. My emotions were all over the place. First I was sad and almost burst out into tears right there and then I am fuming because of what this asshole is accusing me of… Of course I didn't say anything to her to make her want to kill herself – god it hurt so much to just think about it, what did this man think I was?

"I don't care what you say! She will be moved here! I will NOT go back to Phoenix. You have no right to say things like that about me or my mother; you hardly knew either of us! Now leave me alone!" I yelled at _Dr. Dwyer_. **(I know I changed that a little it just sounded better…)**

I ran up the stairs dropping the phone to the floor. I ran until I reached my room I could hear Edward running behind me and I ignored him… He kept calling my name… asking me to stop… to tell him what is wrong… But I couldn't stop. I slammed my door shut and threw myself at the foot of my bed – tears were streaming down my face by now and I let a strangled sob go as I clutched the frame of the bed for support. I reached under my bed for my art assignment – it was the photo of the Cullen's and me, which I'd chosen to redraw **(remember that picture of the Cullen's and Bella of their front steps when they were little and everyone was laughing – that one)**… I got an A for it in class. I just got it framed, and was going to give it to them for Christmas… I looked at it – at our smiles and my blush, the light/happy colours… It all seemed so far away now – I remembered a couple of weeks ago while I was working on it that it was mum who'd taken this photo… I stood up slowly still holding the picture in my hands and I threw it against the wall just as Edward walked it. The glass shattered and the frame broke but the drawing stayed intact. Edward rushed over to me, glancing at the drawing now lying on the floor… He caught me just as I was about to fall to the ground. I couldn't' keep the sobs and cries of pain in any longer and I broke down.

Edward picked me up and lifted me onto the bed where he held me while I cried whispering little things to me – that everything would be ok… But how could it be ok? I just found out my mum committed suicide today and I was the last one to talk to her. I don't understand she was so happy… so 'Renee'.

"She's gone…" I mumble into his chest while he is rubbing my back reassuringly.

"Who is gone, Bella?"

"Mum…" And that one word brings on a whole new round of tears as Edwards arms tighten and he continues to tell me how much he loves me. But how can he love me? I let my mother get depression, I didn't put up enough fight to stay with her – I should have stayed, I should have stopped this, seen it coming… anything that would've stopped it from happening… I've been thinking too much about myself lately, I should have called her more often or something… anything.

"All my fault…should've called… dead… my fault…" I mumbled incoherently.

"You couldn't have done anything Bella. None of this is your fault; you _are_ a beautiful, kind and caring person and a wonderful daughter, I love you Bella, and your mother loved you too." He told me in his sweet velvet voice. I sighed and let the tears flow silently down my cheeks as I cuddled into Edward's chest. He pulled me closer to him and stroked my hair while I let it all out. Selfishly I let him love me because right now, even if I didn't deserve it, I wanted him to love me more than ever… I needed him to. I couldn't lose Edward again.

***

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember is sitting next to Edward in his music room, my head leaning on his shoulder, as he played a beautiful lullaby.

"Morning sunshine," Edward said quietly as he continued to play.

"It's not really morning is it?"

"No… just late at night… everyone else is asleep, except for Emmett and Rose – I can't imagine them to be sleeping…"

I laughed and listened to Edward play. _His fingers flowed swiftly across the ivory, and the room was filled with a composition so complex, so luxuriant, it was impossible to believe only one set of hands played._ The melody soon softened and grew sweeter, calmer – almost like a melody.** (A/N: italics is a direct quote from Twilight pg 285)**. My eyes began to fill will tears as the beautiful music surrounded me.

"Don't you like it?" I gasp and turned around to face his, I hadn't even noticed he'd stopped playing.

"No, no, it was beautiful – happy tears. I love you so much, Edward. Thank you," I said wiping away my tears.

"You inspired that one…"

"Really?"

"Really." He told me and laughed. "Come on I better put you to bed now…"

"But I'm not tired…" I complained as he got up.

He held out his hand and I sighed before placing my hand in his. He pulled me up and led me down the hallway but he stopped before we reached my room… I looked at him confused.

"My room…"

**A/N: Ok so what did you think?? Good? Bad? Let me know **** next chapter will be Edwrad POV **


	11. Bella?

**A/N: Fisrt off I would like to say how sorry I am for the delay in updating... lets just say that a lot has been happening and I have been a little distracted... Anyway I'm on holidays now, so I finally finished writing this chapter, let me know what you think of my last minute dission for the plot... Thanks for reading :):) It really means a lot to me to know that people are reading my story :) Enjoy :D**

**Chapter Ten: Bella?**

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight – all credit goes to the wonderful SM. I only own the plot _

'Life is just one damned thing after another'

**EPOV**

I stood there and watched as Bella took the phone from Esme. Her eyes widened and a look of complete sadness and despair took over her face. I was about to move forward when her eyes got that fiery glint in them and she started yelling into the receiver.

""I don't care what you say! She will be moved here! I will NOT go back to Phoenix. You have no right to say things like that about me or my mother; you hardly knew either of us! Now leave me alone!" She yelled into the phone before hanging up and running to the stairs.

I stood there shocked for a second before running after her. I was surprised she hadn't slipped or tripped on the stairs yet. I yelled out her name hoping to get her attention but she never turned around. Once she reached her door she went inside only to slam the door as soon as I got there. Slowly I turned the doorknob and opened her door just in time to see her pulling out a framed picture and she threw it against the wall, near the door. I watched in horror as the frame broke and the picture fell to the floor – it was a drawing of us when we were all younger at Phoenix.

She started to fall to the floor when I caught her, picking her up and laying her on the bed. I climbed on and held her close to my chest. She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me closer – it felt like she thought I was going to leave her; like this would be out last time together…

"She's gone…" she mumbled into my chest while I rubbed her back reassuringly.

"Who is gone, Bella?"

"Mum…" And that one word bought on a whole new round of tears as my arms tighten and I continued to tell me how much I love her. I couldn't imagine what would be going through her head right now. Bella and Renee were always so close…

"All my fault…should've called… dead… my fault…" she mumbled incoherently. I sighed. This was going to be so hard on Bella. I should've known she would try and blame herself.

"You couldn't have done anything Bella. None of this is your fault; you _are_ a beautiful, kind and caring person and a wonderful daughter, I love you Bella, and your mother loved you too." I told her, and that was nothing but the truth. She didn't say anything. She just cried.

When she finally ran out of tears to cry I lifted her up so I could push the blankets down so I could lay her down, I laid down next to her and then pulled the blankets over us. I laid down on my back as Bella rolled over so her head was on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, rubbing my hand along her back.

A few hours later Esme walked in, a sob escaped her lips when she saw Bella's broken drawing against the wall.

"How is she?"

"Tired… she only just stopped crying… I'm worried about her Esme. She blames herself…"

"We'll help her through this, Edward. At the moment that is the most any of us can do. However unfortunate that is and no matter how mad that makes you, there isn't anything else you can do, apart from being there for her."

"I know… I know…"

Esme nodded and left the room, picking up the drawing on her way out. I laid there with Bella until the early hours of the morning (2am), when I decided to play my piano for Bella; I'll play my newest song… the one she inspired.

I played for hours – or what seemed like hours before Bella woke up.

"Morning sunshine," I whispered and continued to play.

"It's not really morning is it?" she asked looking worried.

"No… well it's about 3 o'clock… everyone else is asleep, except for Emmett and Rose – I can't imagine them to be sleeping…"

Bella laughed, it was the most beautiful sound in the world. Slowly her laughter stopped and she sat there leaning her head on my shoulder. Right now everything was perfect. It was almost like last night had never happened. _Almost._

I stopped playing when I heard Bella sniff and when I looked down and saw the tears running down her cheeks. She didn't like the song… she didn't like it…

"Don't you like it?" I asked, somewhat hurt. Bella gasped at me shaking her head violently.

"No, no, it was beautiful – happy tears. I love you so much, Edward. Thank you," she replied wiping away her tears.

"You inspired that one…"

"Really?"

"Really." I told her and laughed. "Come on I better put you to bed now…"

"But I'm not tired…" she complained as I got up.

I held out my hand and she sighed before placing her hand in my own. I pulled her up and led her down the hallway but I stopped before we reached her room… Bella looked up at me confused, she looked so cute.

"My room… but if you don't want to stay in here that's fine… I just thought a change would be good… you can get some of your clothes to wear to sleep or one of my old shirts… If you don't like it, just say so…" I rambled… Bella chuckled quietly, almost to herself, and placed her figure on my lips.

"I'd love to, Edward. Stop worrying, it's bad for you. But we are just sleeping tonight." She told me and I sighed in relief, for a moment I thought she was going to be really mad thinking I wanted something more, that I was going to take advantage of her… but I wasn't – and she knew that.

"I love you," I whispered as I opened my door, her eyes widened as she looked around my room, first on my king size four-poster bed, then my wall of books – most of which are journals, then to my two-wall shelf of music – CD's, records, tapes… everything.

I handed her a shirt and some boxers and she went to get changed in the bathroom. Meanwhile I got changed into a pair of boxers and climbed into bed. I laid down and closed my eyes, waiting for Bella to get back. I felt the bed move as Bella climbed on. She laid down next to me and I wrapped my arms around her.

"Sweet dreams, my love." I whispered to her as sleep took over.

When I woke up later that morning Bella wasn't anywhere in my room. I got up and went to check her room... nope... maybe she is with Alice... I opened the door slowly but again I sighed in disappoint, she wasn't there either. Bella where are you! I walked downstairs feeling defeated... why would she have gone?

I walked into the kitchen not really paying attention to anything around me, opening the fridge door to take a mouth full of milk straight out of the carton. As I was closing the fridge I heard something clatter on the sink behind me. I jumped around to see who it was... only to be confronted with what looked like a ghost of the Bella I knew before last night... her hair was dead straight – it'd lost its shine and wave – and she had dark circles under her eyes. She looked and me for a minute before turning around to leave.

"Sorry for startling you, Edward..." She said so quietly I almost didn't hear her.

So far it has been weeks since Bella has been herself. After Renee's funeral she ran out of the church crying – I ran after her but she went into the woods and I lost her. It took us four days before anyone found her. She was a complete wreck... and refused to talk to anyone. She went back to school and sat by herself either in the cafeteria or the school library. I never saw her eat anything decent and she always excused herself from dinner before she finished her meal... I've tried talking to her but she just won't listen. Alice tried taking her shopping, for retail therapy and all that, but that didn't work. I've lost my Bella, and I don't know how to get her back.

"Edward, can I come in?" I hear Bella ask from behind my door... the first time I've heard her voice in weeks, but it didn't have the same ring to it anymore, it sounded dead now.

"Sure, the door is unlocked..." I replied and sat up on my bed looking at the door as Bella slowly walked in.

"I... well I wanted to tell you this before anyone else... I want to live with Charlie..." She whispered. I couldn't believe it. Why would she leave to live with Chief Swan? It didn't make sense – he left them before Bella was even born, why would she want to live with him now? "I just, I feel like a barely know my own father, and I would really like some time to get to know him." She explained as is she had read my mind.

"But why now?"

"It's just time, Edward..."

"But why are you leaving me Bella? I can't lose you..." I pleaded with her. I knew there was no chance of Bella changing her mind now; she always has been very stubborn.

"I think you already have, Edward. I... I just need a break... from well everything really. I don't think I can be the person I used to be. I'm so sorry... I uh... I guess I better tell Esme and Carlisle..." She sighed as she looked down at the floor. "Goodbye Edward." and that was the last thing I heard Bella say before she disappeared out of my life. I fell back down on my bed, and turned over to my side curling into a ball. I just lost the person I love the most. I only just got her back.

I could feel the tears running down my cheeks, and I didn't care if I looked like a fucking baby for crying. I looked up to see the sheet music for Bella's lullaby on my bedside table. I picked it up and looked at the notes, listening to how it sounds in my head; which only caused more tears to stream down my face. I ripped up the paper and threw the pieces into the bin... Everything reminded me of _her_. I could hear Alice and Emmet yelling at Bella about leaving, mum was trying to comfort Bella and dad was probably attempting to keep the peace between everyone. Looking around my room, I saw all the old photo's I'd kept of me and Bella, the books we'd talked about, the music she listened to, the chair she always sat in... then I looked down at my bed... the bed she'd slept in only weeks earlier. Before I knew what I was actually doing, I got up and threw all the photo's on the floor, breaking the frames and the glass shattering everywhere, the CD's soon followed the same fate, I cringed slightly at ruining my CD's but they just screamed out _Bella_ and I couldn't stand it. All my books went into my bin... after ripping out the pages I knew were Bella's favourite. I picked up one of my few journals and tore out any page that even so much as mentioned _her_ name... I couldn't even think _her_ name anymore. I just couldn't. I looked around my room at the mass destruction that now replaced what was once my sanctuary. I fell to me knees in defeat as I heard my door open. I looked up, hoping beyond all hope that it wasn't Emmett... Mum came in and gasped as she looked around my room. She walked around touching where my CD's and books used to be, and then she found a piece of the sheet music that hadn't made it to the bin...

"Oh dear, Edward... I'm so sorry. I tried to convince her to stay – truly I did."

"I know mum... I know; so did I..." I said just as my voice cracked. Mum bent down and pulled me into a tight hug. I couldn't stop the tears that continued to run down my cheeks. I could feel her own tears wetting my shirt, but I didn't care. I'd lost my love and mum had lost a daughter.

It's been one week since Bella left. No one is the same anymore – Emmett tries to make everyone smile, but he just isn't really trying anymore, his jokes have lost their edge I guess you could say. No one has mentioned her name again since the day she left. Apparently Charlie thought Bella could do better than, Forks high school, and sent her to some preppy boarding school in Seattle... She would be starting there today so I thought I would see her one last time before she was gone. I stood in the forest opposite her house and watched as she left, carrying her bags, head down, hair dull, and feet shuffling on the floor as she slowly made her way to the police cruiser. I saw her cringe slightly as her suitcase pressed against her leg as she lifted it into the boot of the car. I frowned, why would it hurt to lean her suitcase on her leg?

I saw her look up, her eyes no longer held any of the sparkle they used to, the brown that once drew me in, now only held sadness and despair, the bags under her eyes have only gotten worse – she wasn't sleeping still. Chief Swan said something to Bella and she nodded before getting into the passenger seat quietly not looking back.

She was gone... _Bella_ was gone... and there was nothing I could do about it.

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**A/N: so what did you think? Good idea or bad? Let me know :D:D All reviews are welcome, but please not too many bad ones... and if there were many spelling errors I'm saying sorry now, I have never been that great at spelling... **

**Tam xoxo**


	12. Why do I hurt so much?

**A/N: So here is the next chapter at last, I'm sorry I take so long to update but I write half the chapter and the never get around to finishing it... So I hope you like it. I'll warn you now though, this chapter is very dark and has rape and self harm. If you don't like reading that then skip the flashback and a bit towards the end. You have been warned so please no flames because of what I chose to write about in the chapter. Thank you **

**Chapter Eleven: Why do I hurt so much?**

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything – SM owns everything except the plot of_ my_ story __Thank you for writing such a wonderful story SM _

Once again is beaten to her knees but she will pick herself up and dust herself off like she always does and say "hit me again mother fucker".

**BPOV**

I knew when I walked out of Edward's room that I'd ruined any chance there was of something good happening between us. I mean, why would he want to be with someone with so many messed up problems like me? It didn't make sense. I walked through the house – trying to be as quiet as possible. I've been too lucky as it is that I didn't wake Edward. I finally found the one room I'd been looking for.

'_Edward's Music Room'_

I read the sign on the door, just reading that made me sigh in relief. I opened the door and looked out the massive windows, up at the stars. I sat there, leaning up against the door and I drew anything that came to mind. The stars, the Piano, Edward sitting at this Piano, his eyes, Edward laughing and then my drawings took a more depressing turn – my mother, and her bedside table covered in _empty_ pill bottles – I couldn't finish it. I slammed my book shut and took some deep breathes trying to calm down the hurt that swirled around inside me.

I'd talked to her just yesterday morning... She sounded fine. I shouldn't have left so soon, maybe if I'd talked to her more often, made an effort to call her. Something, _anything_ – I would have done anything so that she would still be here. I wrapped my arms tightly around my waist, refusing to cry – I wouldn't cry, I couldn't...

I got up and ran down to the kitchen not caring who heard me at this point. I stood there and stared at the kitchen bench and the wooden block that held all the knives. Shaking my head I went to the fridge to see if anything looked appealing... no such luck – I just didn't feel like food. So instead I went for the apple juice. Reaching up for a glass I heard someone walking down the stairs. Quickly I poured myself a glass of juice before putting the juice back in the fridge and sitting down on a bar stool, bowing my head, hoping that whoever it was wouldn't notice me.

Fortunately they didn't notice me sitting here, but I most certainly noticed him. I looked up and saw none other than Edward Cullen standing there fridge door wide open and drinking straight out of the carton of milk. He _almost_ had me laughing. I stood up and decided to attempt to put my glass in the sink without him noticing so I could sneak away quietly. But it was just my luck that I wouldn't be able to do it right. I tried to put my glass in the sink quietly but it slipped out of my hand. I turned to see Edward jump almost spilling the milk everywhere.

"Sorry for startling you, Edward..." I said quietly as I turned to walk away. I sighed as I shut the kitchen door.

**Flashback**

"_I'm sorry for your lose." Another old lady I didn't know said. None of these people are really sorry! No one cares! And I'm sick of people telling me it will be ok. Hello! I just lost my mother! I am not going to be ok! I couldn't handle it anymore... when people started to get up and share stories of their time with mum... I ran out of the church and I could hear Edward running after me. But I knew one place I could lose him – the woods. So I ran until my feet and legs hurt. I ran from the memories and from a possible happy future with the Cullen's. I could barely stand to look at them, the perfect family – it was almost like life was mocking me. Saying 'see this is what you are missing out on!' _

_I looked up to see where I was, and it was the most beautiful meadow I have ever seen... there were wild flowers everywhere but they looked as though they had been specifically placed there for a reason. The sun shone through the gap of trees. I walked forward and looked up at the sun, taking in the much needed vitamin D. I laid down on the soft, green grass and let my thoughts disappear. I closed my eyes and fell asleep. _

_And because I was in no state to notice I hadn't heard someone walking into _my_ meadow. I slowly opened my eyes to see that it was still dark and a tall man with his blonde hair tied back into a pony tail, his jean were very worn – with holes in them – his jacket was covered in dirt and leaves. But none of that scared me, it was the look on his face that had me standing up and moving away from him. He had and evil smile on his face and his eyes held no kindness or any other good emotion, there was only anger and hate... and lust?_

"_Who are you?" I asked trying to sound as though I wasn't scared._

"_Well I guess I could tell you since you probably won't be alive to tell anyone else. My name is James. And we are going to have some fun tonight." _

_He lunged forward and threw me against a tree. I screamed in pain, hoping that someone might hear, but it was only in vane, no one would be this far into the woods at this time – except for me and a psychopath. It didn't take him long before he had me quite and pinned to the ground. He ripped my dress off and looked lustfully at the black lace bra and panties I had unfortunately let Alice convince me to wear. I tried to struggle against him but it was no use – he was too strong and no one was here to save me anyway. _

"_See I knew you'd like it," he whispered in my ear before nibbling on my earlobe. _

"_Now don't tell anyone about this ok? It will be our little secret..." He said with his evil smile returning. _

_I'm not entirely sure how long I laid here under the tree but I pulled on his coat he left behind to keep warm when the storm hit – since he'd ripped all my other clothes I had nothing else... and the smell disgusted me, even more than I disgusted with myself, so I just breathed through my mouth rather than my nose – which seemed to stop me from being able to smell him for the most part. Slowly I let my mind slip into the darkness that was too willing to take over..._

**End Flashback**

It took them four days to find me... and I don't think I moved once from where I was laying... they took me to the hospital and the doctors put the pieces together and I confirmed what had happened but I refused to let them tell anyone. So I went back to school. Which was hard, I had either Edward or Alice or _both_in my classes so it was hard to ignore them but I had to... if they ever found out... they'd hate me – and I couldn't hurt them anymore than I already have so far, they shouldn't have to deal with my messed up life. I wouldn't let anyone touch me either; I always flinched away or grimaced, my mind immediately going back to _that_ night...

I ate by myself in the cafeteria sometimes but the Cullen's and/or the Hale's always tried to sit with me. And part of me really wanted them to so I could tell them what had happened but I knew they'd be disgusted in me; I was broken and used... I couldn't be a good friend, girlfriend or daughter to Carlisle and Esme, not anymore. So most the time I opted for the library, it was quiet here – only the chess and maths club are here during lunch time... and now me I guess...

Everyone has tried to talk to me, but I just nod or shake my head not speaking, afraid of what I might end up saying if I did... I even let Alice take me shopping – for retail therapy or something – I don't think that had quite the affect she was after. I mean the only reason I went with her is because of those damn puppy dog eyes and that God damn pout! I let my best friends and the only person I've ever truly love, Edward, drift away... and that just made me hate myself even more. Everything will be fine, they will move on and things will get better... eventually.

"Edward, can I come in?" I asked form behind Edward's door... It's the first time I've spoken to him in weeks now, but my voice didn't sound the same, it sounded... dead now.

"Sure, the door is unlocked..." He replied I walked in slowly, almost cautiously so I wouldn't breakdown into a fit of tears as soon as I saw him. He sat up on his bed when he saw me walk in.

"I... well I wanted to tell you this before anyone else... I want to live with Charlie..." I whispered. I looked up to see the hurt and confusion in his eyes... I only decided to leave a couple of days ago but I figured it was a good getaway from everything and I might get to know Charlie better. All I knew for sure was that it would be better for the Cullen's if I left. "I just, I feel like a barely know my own father, and I would really like some time to get to know him." I tried to explain even if that wasn't the main reason.

"But why now?" He asked sounding almost desperate.

"It's just time, Edward..."

"But why are you leaving me Bella? I can't lose you..." he pleaded with me.

"I think you already have, Edward. I... I just need a break... from well everything really. I don't think I can be the person I used to be. I'm so sorry... I uh... I guess I better tell Esme and Carlisle..." I sighed as she looked down at the floor – I said too much. "Goodbye Edward." and that was the last thing I said to Edward before I disappeared from his life... Telling everyone else wasn't as hard as it was to tell Edward. But I made Esme and Alice cry and Emmett yelled at me – Carlisle was the only one who understood... he was my doctor at the hospital, and was the one who put the pieces of the puzzle together, he tried to convince me to tell the others or at least talk to him about it but I either avoided him or left the room before he had a chance to convince me.

I walked into Edward's music room - he hasn't been in here since I said I was leaving and I put my sketch book on his bookshelf, hoping that one day when he comes back in here he may notice it and see how much I love him and that I hated hurting him and everyone else right now, but I didn't have any other choice. I left to go back to my room to pack my stuff up...

It's been one week now since I've been at Charlie's – it's different here. We both keep to ourselves for the most part and I usually eat alone at night because he has been working the late shifts at the station. I don't seem Emmett smile at school anymore – I've heard him try to make a everyone laugh at a joke but it was just lame and it wasn't the same as his old jokes; Alice wore the same outfit twice in one week and didn't wear any makeup on Wednesday. And Edward... his eyes used to have this beautiful sparkle in them but now they seemed dull, there wasn't any happiness... And me being here only made things worse for them. If I moved maybe they could move on better, maybe then they could be happy.

"Charlie, I want to talk to you about something..." I told him when I went and got his dinner out of the oven and sat it down in front of him.

"About what, exactly?"

"Well I don't really like being at Forks High – too many people know about what happened with mum and I want a fresh start, you know?" I asked, giving his a lame ass excuse I hoped he would believe.

"There is more to it than that Bella, don't lie to me" Damn him and him being a cop!

"You remember when I was missing for four days?" I asked and he nodded his head for me to continue – I figured I'd best tell him the truth since I obviously can't lie to him anymore. "We I ran into the woods and found this beautiful meadow, and I laid on the grass and fell asleep... when I woke up there was someone else there – tall, blonde hair in a ponytail, dirty jeans and clothes... anyways I asked him what his name was and he said '_I guess I could tell you since you probably won't be alive to tell anyone else. My name is James. And we are going to have some fun tonight'_ he pushed me into the tree behind me and well... he... ah... he raped me... The doctor's at the hospital know but I wouldn't let them tell anyone I didn't want anyone to know... It was his jacket that I was wearing when I was found – all my clothes were ruined. Please don't hate me?" I told him and my voice cracked at the end.

"That son of a Bitch! I'm gonna find him and kill him! And Bella, sweetie, I don't hate you – this wasn't your fault, I just wish you'd told me or someone else sooner... but all that matter is you told me, I'll help you find a different school if that's what you want... What about the Cullen's?" He said and after he let out his anger towards _James_ all I could see was love in his eyes.

"They'll be fine without me and I don't want anyone of them knowing, it's bad enough that Carlisle knows..."

"If that's what you want..."

"Oh and I already found this boarding school in Seattle. It's called Lakeside School."

"Ok, I'll call them tomorrow and enrol you there?"

"Thanks, I'm gonna go to bed, I'll see you in the morning."

I walked up the stairs and into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and I hated what I saw. My hair was flat and dull, I had dark bags under my eyes and my skin looked horrible. I opened the drawer and pulled out my bag which had all my necessities and I knew Charlie would never look inside it... so it was the perfect place to hide the blade from my broken razor. I know what you're probably thinking – that's stupid and you'll regret it, but I'm not doing it for some sort of 'release' no... it's a reason for the pain... My heart can understand why I hurt so much by my brain, no so much – logically there is no physical reason for me to be in any pain... so this is my reason for the pain...

The following Monday I had finished packing my bags and Charlie took the say off work to drive me to my new school. I looked over at the forest, I don't know what I thought I might find but as my eye lingered there for a moment longer I thought I saw some bronze hair, but as I looked closer I saw nothing – it was just my imagination... why would Edward be here? I lifted my bag up into the boot of the car and leaned it one my leg to get it in. I winced as it pressed up against the fresh cuts.

Charlie came over to me and gave me a one arm hug and whispered 'It will be alright kiddo. I'll take care of everything ok?"

I just nodded... I knew everything wouldn't be ok, no for a long time. I looked out the passenger window as we drove through Forks and towards Seattle; leaving everything behind. Edward, Alice, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Jasper... I probably wouldn't see them ever again... And that single thought made the tears I'd been holding back for so long flow silently down my cheeks.

**A/N: So what do you think? It I over do it with the self harm at the end there? or what? let me know! Your reviews are always welcome, I love reading them. **


	13. Surprises all Around

**Chapter 12: Surprises all around**

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight – all I own is the plot for this story._

**A/N: I have to thank **xoxoSUMMER RAINExoxo** for the idea for this chapter. So thank you ****I added my own little twist to your idea though, but you gave me the inspiration and also **Bonefan101** for your help with this story. Anyway on with the story, Enjoy! I know this is unbelievably late but it is finally here. I really hope it is worth the wait. ****I have holidays in two weeks so I might get a couple of chapters done then – I'll see how I go. **

_Wants to give up & disappear, but knows she must stand up & keep moving through the shit.'_

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**BPOV**

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I stood outside the gate to my new school. There would be new people here – it was a new beginning. Charlie just dropped me off, after taking me to my new, one bedroom apartment – it wasn't anything fancy but Charlie said that since this wasn't a boarding school he would pay for the apartment and give me money every week for food etc. On one condition, I had to come home every weekend unless there was something on at school. We'd already bought the uniform and everything. So here I stood. Ready to start over.

To say I was surprised Charlie had bought me an apartment to live in from Monday to Friday and he would pay for everything as long I came home on weekends, would be a massive understatement.

To say I just wanted to give up and disappear would be just another understatement. Everyone stared at me; it was no different to Forks. Only _they_ weren't here. I sighed as I walked towards the office. I got my new time table and waited for some Jacob Black who was meant to be showing me around the school... I stared down at the pieces of paper... my time table; (Home Room: Library, 1st: English, 2nd: Calculus, Morning Tea, 3rd: Modern History, 4th: Art, Lunch, 5th: Music, 6th: PE) and a map of the school among other forms I had to fill out about medical information and what not. I jumped slightly as I heard someone cough above me. I looked up and saw a tanned boy with short black hair and he looked very well built – if it was for that smile I would probably be scared of him right now.

"I'm Jacob Black," he said holding out his hand for me to shake.

"Isabella Swan," I said meekly as I shook his hand.

"Well Isabella, can I call you bells? It'd be easier?" I nodded and he smiled, "Welcome to Lakeside, I will be your guide, your friend and your direct source of info – want to know something about the school or one of the students, just ask me." He told me laughing at the end. I had to admit that even I found his 'formal' introduction rather funny – but I still didn't laugh and Jacob notice. He walked me around the school letting me get to know my way around the place all the rooms and building, what kind of events are on and the gossip on every student.

Days past and soon I began to fit in with Jacob's gang – Paul, Jared, Sam, Quil, Embry, Emily (Sam's girlfriend) and Claire (Embry's girlfriend).

Days seemed to fly by and slowly I was starting to heal, I could smile again, laugh and again and I was beginning to accept what had happened – or so I thought.

Today is my first weekend back with Charlie, part of me doesn't want to leave, I've loved living by myself and hanging out with the gang – while I was there it was like Forks was just a distant memory. But today is Saturday morning and Charlie should be here any second and I haven't even packed. Ever since I had this revelation early this morning I haven't stopped pacing around my lounge room. I was late. THREE WEEKS! How could I have not noticed? I mean come on! It isn't exactly something that's easy to forget. I ran my hands through my hair I held this stupid stick in my hand. I couldn't believe it... this could not be happening... I sat down trying to calm down after my run to the chemist. Someone, who I guessed was Charlie, knocked on the door.

"Shit!" I said under my breath, "I'll be there in a sec." I yelled so that he could hear me.

I ran to my room chucking the devil stick in my handbag and put my hair into a messy bun. I had a quick look in the mirror, I looked like crap but I couldn't really do anything about that now. I ran to the door and flung it open only to have Charlie end up falling on the floor.

"Geez Bella, what's the rush?" He asked laughing as he got up off the floor.

"Nothing sorry, I just didn't get much sleep last night, with all the work I have to catch up on and assignments, so I'm a little sleep deprived at the moment." I rambled, I know I did, but I couldn't help it.

"It's ok, you get ready I'll wait in here."

I walked back to my room and threw some clothes in my bag and ran into the bathroom and had my shower. Standing there with the hot water hitting my body I let my emotions go – I slid down the side of the shower and pulled my knees up to my chest and I cried. I let all the pain out. Why did this have to happen? Why now? When I was finally happy again, it just doesn't seem fair. I bit my hand to muffle the sound of my scream.

Walking out back to Charlie, I had my school bag – with my new laptop – and my bag full of my crap and dumped them on the floor. He looked up at me and frowned but didn't say anything, just got up and made sure everything was locked and safe.

The drive home was silent. Neither of us spoke, Charlie just kept giving me worried glances the whole way. And I don't blame him, if someone I knew was acting the way I was right now I'd be worried about them too.

When we finally pulled into the driveway I practically jumped out of the car, grabbing my bags and pulling out my phone and running through my contact list – come on Bella, don't tell me you deleted their number... YES! Thank you, God.

Charlie opened the door for me and told me we'd just have pizza tonight, so I could have a night off.

"Hey Dad, I'm just gonna use the landline for a sec, is that ok?"

"Sure Bells," he smiled as he walked into the lounge room to watch the TV.

I looked at my phone and dialled the number. It started ringing and I just stared at it, I couldn't decide if I want to go through with this or not... hang up, or open up to them, tell them the truth. Come on Bella, you need to make your mind up!

"_Hello? Charlie is that you?"_ I hear her voice come through the phone; damn she still has his number... I can't do it... I just can't... I hung up and walked back down to Charlie.

"Hey dad, I'm just gonna go for a drive I'll be home in time for dinner. Ok?" I told him as I walked into the lounge room to see him sitting there watching the flat screen – without a care in the world. He grunted and I walked out of the house to my car.

His words rang through my mind, like a haunting chant... over and over again – never stopping.

"_You should tell them... they won't judge you... I'm so sorry Bella..." _

Over and over again... I couldn't stop it... and what he told me next was even worse... I... he had to have been lying. But he wouldn't lie about something like that. I could barely think of it. He just proved all of my worst fears to be true – how could he; or anyone for that matter lie about something like that?

I got out of my car – I can't even remember how I got here really... just that I drove and this was where I ended up. How convenient.

I knocked on the door since I don't really think it would be appropriate for me to barge in on them not after everything that has happened.

And for my politeness what am I rewarded with – Rosalie answering the door. How lovely.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" she sneered at me as I walked past her, my small frame still easily able to push her aside. I smile, pride was rising inside me. I had stood up to Rosalie – granted I hadn't said anything but that is completely beside the point.

"I need to speak to everyone. I don't really care if you all hate me right now, or if none of you want to see me again. I have something I need to say and I'm damn well going to say it!" Courage! First time in my life and it comes now! Well I guess it came at the right time... Not that I have the faintest idea where it is coming from but I am unbelievably thankful for it.

"OI! Everyone to the lounge room! NOW!" She yelled, I'm not sure why she complied with what I was asking for but I was thankful she didn't try and make me leave. Everyone was seated in the lounge room within a few minutes. As soon as the saw me they all had a similar look of shock on their faces. But no one said anything.

"Ok I just need to say two things. I want you to know now that I'm not telling you this because I want to take your money or something. I just... I don't know really. You were all such an important part of my life, I feel like you have a right to know why I pushed you away." I told them before anyone had the chance to say anything to discourage me from what I was about to do. My stomach was already tossing and turning and I could feel my palms begin to sweat – not one of my more flattering habits... sweaty hands when nervous – great...

"After I ran from my mother's funeral I ran into the woods, further than I'd ever been before. I found this beautiful meadow. I feel asleep, the sun made me warm and I forgot about everything. Or I had forgotten till _he_ came..." I chocked... I knew my eyes were watering and that painful lump was building up in my throat again. I couldn't cry. No now. I had to finish. "I won't go into details but, a man called James... umm..." Breathe Bella! You can say it... come on, it will feel better once you do. "He, he... raped me... Afterwards, I felt horrible – Carlisle found out since he is... was my doctor, I... I wasn't good for any of you to be around. I was damaged. You all deserved someone better as a friend. That's why I left. I knew that me pushing you away was hurting you, but I thought it would be better for you not to be around me. So I left Forks." I whispered. No one said anything and I couldn't bear to look at them. So I continued. I mean if they hate me and never want to see me again telling them the rest probably won't make any difference. "And now I'm pregnant." I looked up and immediately regretted it.

Not only was not one speaking, they weren't even looking at me. Esme had a hand over her mouth and her shoulders were shaking with silent sobs. Alice had her face buried in the crock of Jasper's neck; he was frowning and rubbing her back softly. Emmett's hands were balled into fits, so tightly that his knuckles were a ghostly white – he looked furious. Rosalie was just sitting there looking utterly bored. And Edward... well he stormed out of the room and to the basement – which was then followed by a rather long string of banging and smashing. I frowned – Edward was never violent or so easily angry before.

"Whenever he is mad he walks down there and breaks things. He helps him deal with the hurt and anger." Rosalie explained in a monotone voice.

"Oh... well I guess I should go. I'm so very sorry for taking up your time. I won't bother you again." I was about to walk out the front door and back down to my car when I heard.

"Why are you telling us this? Do you want our money or something? Why, Bella? Why do you think we would care after what you did?" I heard Edward yell from behind me. I turned around slowly – shocked by his words. Hadn't I said when I came here I wasn't after anything from them? Did he really believe me to be that shallow?

"I don't want your money, Edward, I never did. I came here and told you because you all have a right to know why I acted the way I did – I don't expect any of you to give me anything or help. This is my fault, my mistake... I guess I shouldn't have come... I knew I wouldn't be welcome... I knew everyone would hate me... you should hate me – I hate me..." I said, I wasn't angry at him – he had every right to say what he did, and I don't blame him. Imagine what he must think of me now. If his father wasn't my doctor and knew what had happened he'd probably think I was making the whole thing up... I started pacing again... It seems to help me think... only this time that wasn't the case.

"Bella, I think you should sit down – all this stress isn't good for the baby," Carlisle said walking over to me trying to steer my pacing in the direction of a chair. The room started to spin and I could feel my eyes become heavy. The last thing I remember before everything went black is saying.

"I'm sorry... Don't be mad..."

* * *

**A/N: Ok so there you have it, so sorry it took so long for me to update – I've had this chapter started for weeks now I just haven't gotten around to finishing it... I guess sleepless nights are good for some things. Sorry if you didn't like the first couple of paragraphs – I know they aren't written in great detail, but since I don't really know the school it was a little hard to write that bit. **

**Anyway I hope you all enjoyed it. What do you think will happen to Bella? Will her baby survive?**

**Oh and what would you all think if I made this a Bella/Emmett story? or should I leave it as a Bella/Edward and write a separate story for a Bella/Emmett one? Let me know...**

**xx**


	14. What have I done?

**_A/N:_**_ Sorry about this being so late :( But I hope you enjoy it. All comment are welcome :) If you have any _suggestions feel free to tell me :)

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING - only the plot

**Chapter 14: What have I done?**

**EPOV**

I stormed out of the room; I couldn't bear to hear what Bella was saying… How did I not know? I mean she is the love of my life for Christ sake! Knowing Bella she probably thought I blamed her right now, but in truth it's not her I'm mad at; I'm mad at the asshole would did this to her, and I'm mad at myself for letting this happen and letting her get away.

But now there was nothing to do to change things…

The basement, I seem to be down here a lot. I turn around in a circle looking around the room, photo frames are smashed, the coffee table is broken and the walls have several marks on them from where I've punch them. I had to close my eyes as I sunk to the floor… I've ruined everything. I'm hurting my family… I'm not the only one who has missed Bella and I'm not the only one who has been hurt by her leaving. I don't know why it took me so long to realise – but at least I have now, and that's all that counts – right?

I picked up whatever was near me and threw it at something… I don't really care what it hit at this point in time.

I headed back up the stairs and I heard Bella.

"Oh… well I guess I should go. I'm so very sorry for taking up your time. I won't bother you again."

Just as I got to the top of the stairs I could see her heading for the door. I can't let her leave, not again.

"Why are you telling us this? DO you want our money or something?" WHAT am I saying – this is Bella your talking to, you ass! But I couldn't stop, I was so mad and the words just kept coming out my mouth – _Hello Brain to mouth filter, you still working? 'No at the moment we are experiencing some technical difficulties…_ "Why, Bella? Why do you think we would care after what you did?" And there you have it – I just won ass of the year award. I saw the rest of my family turn to stare at me after my _little_ outburst.

"I don't want your money, Edward, I never did. I came here and told you because you all have a right to know why I acted the way I did – I don't expect any of you to give me anything or help. This is my fault, my mistake... I guess I shouldn't have come... I knew I wouldn't be welcome... I knew everyone would hate me... you should hate me – I hate me..." She said and started pacing again.

I went to tell her that I didn't mean what I said, that I was sorry and that I love her. But just as I was about to open my mouth Carlisle stopped me.

"Bella, I think you should sit down – all this stress isn't good for the baby," He said walking over to her trying to steer her pacing in the direction of a chair. I saw her eyes roll to the back of her head and I ran towards her, pushing Carlisle out of the way. I caught her just in time.

"I'm sorry... Don't be mad..." That was the last thing she said to me…

"Bella! Talk to me Bella. I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said, I was just so mad at myself and the monster who did this to you. Please, don't leave again."

"Edward, we need to get her to the hospital, now!" Carlisle yelled from somewhere behind me. I didn't trust myself to speak so I just nodded and lifted Bella up in my arms and headed out towards Carlisle's car. I laid Bella down on the backseat, with her head resting in my lap as dad sped off to the hospital.

I've been sitting here in this chair, staring at Bella on the hospital bed, holding her hand, hoping and praying that at some point it will move, that she will wake up; for over a week now…

She lost the baby, and I'm not sure how she will take that, whether she will be happy to not have to be pregnant at her age – let alone it have a rapist as a father – or if she will be sad, because maybe she didn't really care who the father was, maybe she just wanted to give the baby a fresh start, a clean slate.

I know that this is all my fault, if I ran faster to catch up to her she would never have gotten lost in the woods, if I had of fought harder she may have stayed with us, if I hadn't of yelled at her she may not have lost the baby. In life there are so many things you begin to regret almost straight after doing them. So far, apart from telling Bella that I love her, and staying here for the past week, I regret basically everything I've done.

"Edward, come on, you need to go outside, be around other people." Alice, she was so damn persistent sometimes…

"Fine Alice…" I gave in and leaned in closer to Bella, "I'll be back soon, I promise."

But just as I went to stand up Bella's hand clutched around mine. I looked back at her, my eyes wide with shock, but the rest of her body stayed still – the only movement was her chest moving up and down as she breathed.

"Alice, I can't – she needs me… She just grabbed my hand as I went to leave… I can't go. If you want me to be around people – you can come here… But I'm staying."

Alice huffed but left me in peace as I stared at Bella. "I won't leave you, Love. Please just wake up. I want to see your beautiful smile, your cute blush, those gorgeous brown eyes, hear you voice and listen to your laugh. I miss you." That was me almost giving up hope that she would wake up – me knowing that there is nothing for me to do that could change anything… Unless of course if someone invented a time machine – which is highly unlikely. So I put my head down on the bed and listened to Bella breath, and I waited.

**A/N: I'm so sorry it has taken so long for me to update… I was really stuck with this chapter – not to mention my final assessment for year 12 was due **** But I graduated last Friday and I've been working on this since… plus getting ready to move **

**So I hope you all like it… I promise the next chapter will be longer – hopefully **

**Tam xoxo**


	15. why did things have to change?

**Chapter 15: Why did things have to change?**

_Previously: _

_Alice huffed but left me in peace as I stared at Bella. "I won't leave you, Love. Please just wake up. I want to see your beautiful smile, your cute blush, those gorgeous brown eyes, hear you voice and listen to your laugh. I miss you." That was me almost giving up hope that she would wake up – me knowing that there is nothing for me to do that could change anything… Unless of course if someone invented a time machine – which is highly unlikely. So I put my head down on the bed and listened to Bella breath, and I waited._

_**E POV**_

It has been several days since Bella moved her hand. I started to believe that things would never change - I started to give up hope that Bella would get better and I think everyone else had too. Sure everyone calls in every now and then, Charlie doesn't like coming in too often because he can't handle seeing Bella like this, mum bought me food every day because she didn't want me living of the hospital food and Carlisle comes in to check on Bella. Her new friend Jacob has come around a couple of times but nothing constant - a bit like Alice and Emmet, even though Bella needs her big teddy bear brother and hypo pixie best friend. I think everyone was just giving up.

I hoped that Bella would be strong enough to pull through this, but maybe I was wrong, maybe she can't pull through this...

A few more days past; I didn't even now what day it was, let alone the date or month - I'd lost track of time.

It's only when you stare at it for long periods of time, do you finally see the true beauty of the forest that lays behind the Hospital. With a clear view to the moss covered trees, the ferns with water droplets forming on the leaves, the paths ways which weave in and out of the trees and other plants; you begin to notice how beautiful something so simple can look.

It was then, as I was staring out the window, my head leaning against Bella's hand that I got an idea.

'I'll be right back, I promise.' I whispered as I kissed her hand and quietly walked out the room.

I grabbed my mobile out of my pocket and dialed the number I knew I need, I knew Bella needed.

'Esme speaking,' mum said as she answered the phone.

'Mum, it me... I have an idea but I'm going to need your help...'

As I explained my plan to her she started to get more excited by the second. Eventually, we had everything planned out.

It took a little while but soon everyone from Charlie to Rosalie to Carlisle were standing in Bella's, now crowded, Hospital room. They all had the same look on their faces, it's that look you get when you have no idea why you are, where you are; they've all completely forgotten that their friend and daughter is laying here, needing their help - sometimes medicine isn't the only option.

'Judging by the looks on your faces you are all wondering why you are here, in the room of your best friend, little sister, and daughter. Now that puzzles me a little bit. So I asked myself, why wouldn't Charlie come to visit his daughter? Even if it does make him sad and it hurts to see Bella like this; maybe she needs her dad to tell her that everything will be OK. Why wouldn't Carlisle come to visit his adoptive daughter? When he is in this very Hospital practically every day and yet he is only here for a minute at a time. Why wouldn't Emmet come to visit his little sister, who maybe needs her big brother bear to cheer her up and make her feel safe again? Why wouldn't Alice come to visit her best friend, when Bella might want to hear about the latest gossip in Forks or some new fashion line you've discovered, maybe she misses her hypo pixie. Why wouldn't Rosalie, who we all know doesn't like Bella all that much not come to visit her? I mean you have to have some sort of heart. Why hasn't Jasper come to visit Bella when he has always cared about her wellbeing so much in the past; why the sudden change?

'I asked myself all these questions, and do you want to know something? I couldn't come up with an answer for any of those questions. Because these questions shouldn't need to be answered. Bella needs every one of you, and its about time you started showing her that you care.'

There was dead silence throughout the whole room, no one spoke a word. I looked around, wondering how they were going to react to what I'd just said.

'Okay then... I think I might just step outside for a moment,' And I did just that, I walked out of the room, shut the door and I watched through the window.

So I watched as everyone started to crowd around Bella's bed and they all started talking to her and telling her that they miss her and want her to come back.

I could hardly believe that this was all it would have taken to make everyone come together and help Bella. I felt comfortable to walk away from Bella's room for the first time in weeks. With a smile on my face I walked away to the cafeteria to get everyone some cake, after all I think we deserve it.

**A/N: So that is the end of another chapter, I know they have only been short chapters :( but I'm hoping to finish off this story soon :) As always please let me know what you think :)**

**Tam xx**


	16. Maybe it's a good thing?

**Chapter 16: Maybe it's a good thing?**

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight - all I own is this plot.

_Previously: I could hardly believe that this was all it would have taken to make everyone come together and help Bella. I felt comfortable to walk away from Bella's room for the first time in weeks. With a smile on my face I walked away to the cafeteria to get everyone some cake, after all I think we deserve it._

BPOV

I could hear everyone talking around me, I wanted to tell them it was ok, that I understood - but I couldn't move. It was like I was stuck in this black hole and it was restricting all of my movements. My whole body was stiff, I couldn't even blink or smile. If I could give them a sign that I was ok; that was all I asked for, really. I just wanted them to know I was ok, I was just healing.

It was the first time in a long time that it was quite. Maybe it was good, because that meant Edward was eating properly - he worries about me too much. But I could feel the restraints that have been holding me back, start to ease, I could move my toes and smile. Slowly I started to lift my eye lids, but the light was too bright, and after being in the dark for so long, I felt blinded. I closed my eyes again, relishing in the darkness.

I could tell that I had lost the baby, I felt empty, like I've lost a part of myself. But it would be ok. I had to believe that because if I didn't I would slip into another depression again and I couldn't do that to everyone, not again. They've all been through so much because of me. It hardly seems fair. Just as my world was starting to get better everything came crumbling down and it was like looking at an old ruin, there were bits and pieces left but there was no structure and it was difficult to tell what it had once been. It's things like this that make me wish I could sleep forever, then I could spend less time looking at my messed up life (which I know is messed up because of things I've done, for the most part at least) and I could just dream. Dream of a better place, of my happy place.

There is only one problem with that theory though, my happy place is with Edward and all my friends, if I sleep forever I'm never going to see them grow up, I'll never get to be Alice's maid of honour, I'll never get to see Emmett's children and I'll never get to be with Edward. I will only have what my imagination can give me, I won't be there for them when they need me. If I spelt forever, I would be letting them down in the worst way possible. And maybe that is just me being naive and wanting the 'happily ever after' but I can't give up. Everything hurts, and I don't know if I'll ever be ready to face them but I have to try, because if I don't try then I'll never know if I am strong enough. I'm sure there are other people out there who are in the same or worse situation as me, and even ones who feel the same amount of pain, just not from something that has been physically done to them - maybe they've lost a loved one. Would Alice, Emmett, and Edward grieve like that for me? To be honest, I don't know. I've been so horrible to them and if they could just forgive me after everything that I have done, that would be a true miracle. I don't really know if what I do is right or wrong, all I know is that it is what is best for everyone... I hope.

I opened my eyes again and I could hear some one gasp and another person - or maybe the same person I don't know, grabbed my hand and held it tight. I was pretty sure if they squeezed it any harder I would lose circulation in that hand. I looked around the room and everyone was there, from Edward to Charlie. Following the hand I looked up and saw Esme smiling down at me with tears in her eyes. I small sob escaped her lips before she leaned down to give me a hug, I wrapped my arms around her, I didn't realise how much I'd missed her hugs.

"Don't you dare scare me like that again, do you hear me?" she whispered in my ear, she made me smile. She was worried about me, and even though I felt bad for making her worry, it felt nice.

All I said in reply was "I'm sorry," and that was it.

We let go of each other and slowly everyone came forward, one by one, and told me not to scare them like that again, that they missed me or that they are glad I'm ok. The one that made me the happiest though was Alice.

"I remembered the password but I thought you hated me for leaving. Now we're even." she said in a much too serious voice for Alice. I just smile and lifted my hand for her to shake. We didn't need to say anything else, because we were friends again, and we both knew that.

Jacob came to visit the next day, filling me in on the latest gossip. I didn't really want to be the one to tell him I was changing back to Forks High at the end of the year, but it would be cowardly to make anyone else do it.

"Jake, I need to tell you something."

"I know your leaving at the end of the year."

"How? I haven't told anyone except Charlie."

"You were never really at 'home' in Seattle, it was always just going to be a temporary thing until everything worked out. Besides we can still be friends can't we?"

"Of course we can!" I smiled, I never really thought Jake would be so thoughtful or that he knew so much about me just from the short time I was there.

I guess I shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

Life after getting out of hospital was pretty boring, but it was good to finally be able to eat a proper meal. Edward and I went of our first date, and started going out like other 'normal' teenagers. Alice was constantly coming to Seattle on the weekends to stay with me so I could take her shopping and we could have 'girl' time - I must admit she freaked me out the first time she asked about mine and Edward's relationship. I thought she would've been fine with it, turns out she is, she just wants to know all the details (which is a little weird if you ask me but each to their own). And Emmett, well he just made sure I came to every one of this home games. And in the holidays I would swap between Charlie's house and Carlisle and Esme's house. Just so I could spend time with everyone.

So all in all, life is going along nicely.

* * *

A/N: So there you have it. Again sorry about the wait! I've started University and I don't have a lot of time to write stories for fanfiction so after this I will just have an epilogue and then it will be finished. I hope this is a good enough ending. If you have anything you really want to happen in the epilogue just PM me of write a review. Thanks again for reading my story :)


	17. Epilogue

**A/N: So this is the last chapter. Thank you to everyone who has read this story and reviewed/added it to you favourites; I really appreciate it. I wish I could've continued with this story for longer, but I need to concentrate on Uni and writing my own original stories. So enjoy the last chapter of Starting Over.**

Epilogue

**BPOV**

_Dear Diary,_

_Life can be a very funny thing. In a single moment everything can get turned upside down and your whole world seems to collapse. And when you least expect it, everything is right again - as it should be. I won't claim that I know everything about life but given everything that has happened recently I think it's pretty fair to say that I know about life's ups and downs._

_I'm still having a bit of difficulty around men that look similar to James but I'm getting there. Charlie has organised for therapy sessions once a week so I can start to deal with everything that happened. I know I'm one of the lucky ones - I still had friends and family around me, a lot of women don't get that opportunity. So for now, I am going to do my best to over come what happened and be the best daughter/girlfriend/friend and sister I can to the people who have stayed by my side throughout this whole thing._

_So for now I say goodbye, in the hopes that someday in the near future, I can protect other young girls from going through what I did._

_Isabella Swan xx_

* * *

"It is a simple question Mr. Brown. Did you or did you not rape this young, innocent girl?" I asked as I stare into his eyes. He didn't even bother to clean up for the trial, instead he had mud stains over his face and his hair was mattered and knotty.

"I did not!" he yelled, standing up so his face was just inches away from mine. His breath stank of alcohol and dead fish.

"Mr. Brown, please do not lie to me. I have a Law and physiology degree. So I know when I am being lied to. Now please, answer the question again, this time, the truth would be nice."

His eyes shifted from me to young Elizabeth behind me. I move so that he couldn't see her, which made him sneer at me, I only laughed. He wasn't the meanest person I've had the pleasure of dealing with in this court room before.

"Please stop wasting mine and the courts time Mr. Brown. The fact that your eyes keep trying to see past me to Elizabeth behind me is just more evidence against you. Now the truth please."

"FINE! I did it. I raped her! But she deserved it! wearing that skirt and those short shorts, and that top... She wasn't tempting me. She wanted it! She asked for it!'

"Mr. Brown, believe me when I say this. No girl or women asks to be raped. Nor do they deserve it. That will be all your Honour."

After that Mr. Brown really had no hope of ever getting a not guilty vote. The jury left to make their verdict. Myself and Elizabeth went outside where we met with her mother and father.

"We really can't thank you enough for what you have done." Her mother told me giving a hug that could give Emmett a run for his money.

"It's ok, really. My rapist was never found. So I do my best to make sure every other ass is put in jail so they can't hurt anyone anymore."

"Oh dear, I had no idea..."

"It's fine really, I've had time to deal with it and accept it. And Elizabeth, I want you to promise me that you'll go to you therapy sessions and anytime you feel a little anxious, scared or confused give either me or Dr. Whitlock a call. Don't worry about interrupting us or anything like that. Right now, you getting better is our number one priority." She just nodded as she held onto her mother tightly.

"The Jury have decided on their verdict" I heard a man call from the doors of the court room.

We all went inside and took our seats.

"All rise," and we of course stood up, only people who couldn't, didn't stand.

"Be seated. Jury I believe you have a verdict." The Judge asked looking to a small women in her 40's.

"We do your Honour. We find Mr. Brown guilty of raping Elizabeth King."

I almost jumped for joy. Those words just made my day.

"Mr. Brown, you are here by sentenced to 10 years in Jail."

I think watching him get hand cuffed and dragged out of the court room possibly topped hearing he was guilty. I just loved to watch them suffer. Because then maybe they'll think twice before they rape a thirteen year old girl.

Walking out of the court house I saw Edward leaning up against one of the pillars.

"How did it go?" He asked genuinely concerned for Elizabeth. After we graduated high school, Edward became a cop, it was his way or protecting the people he loved and cared for.

"How do you think? We won of course. I even got him to admit to raping her. You should've seen his face when the jury said he was guilty." I told his laughing as the memory.

"I'm proud of you, Love. Now I'm starving, so lets go get some lunch." He said as he put his arm around my waist and we walked towards our favourite cafe.

**The End**

**A/N: So there you have it. That is the end. It wasn't what I was planning but when I started writing it just sounded right. Sorry about it being so short. And if I got some legal aspects wrong, I'm sorry but it's not really my strong point.**

**What happened to everyone else?**

**Alice: Launched her own fashion label (which aims to make women feel comfortable in what they wear and believe that they are beautiful).**

**Jasper: Became a Physiologist (in case you didn't get that up in the story)**

**Bella: studied law and physiology and became a lawyer.**

**Edward: As said before, became a cop.**

**Rose: Became a mechanic (pretty sure I kept her as car loving for this story...)**

**Emmett: Became a personal trainer.**


End file.
